Does everyone have the ability to love? Does it just come naturally? Or do we have to learn from our mistakes? Can it be at first sight? Or does it hide from you like a secret? I guess the real question here is... Can I love? And I don't mean like chocolate cake love or watching baseball kind of love but REAL love. The kind that only exists in Disney movies and fairy tales and that makes you feel all warm inside. The kind that existed before my generation. That had no short cuts and no cutting corners. Back when love was a four letter word, not a three... and back when people didn't think that you were delusional to think that you could be together forever with someone. Could that be real?
This is how my nightmare of a love story started...
Ever since I could talk, I remember my parents bickering over everything from payments to TV shows. It was a constant battle to be the supreme parent. I guess my mom won the battle the day my dad walked out on us. I was just eight years old and the only explanation I had given myself for why my father left was because he didn't love me anymore. The real truth was that he didn't love my mother... but we're kind of a package deal. No half orders here.
My mom went half heartedly bazerk. She drank until she passed out, then when she awoke, cried herself back to sleep. About three weeks into this torture, I made myself a promise. I would never love anyone or anything ever again.
And I kept that promise.
Flash forward 15 years... I was 23 years old and lived in Manhattan. I had no boyfriend, no family to call my own, and not much of a life either. I mean, I lived in a great apartment, I was going full time to a university where I studied business, and was on a track of certain success, but there was always something missing...
As I returned home after a long day of school, I flopped myself on to my leather couch, wrapped myself up in my fuzzy wool blanket, and quickly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. When I awoke, the sound of a fire alarm and sirens raged through my ears. What's going on? I thought to myself. I laid on the tiled floor which seemed to be cooler than the air around me. I could hear people screaming outside my window, which was now covered with a thick coating of smoke. I lived on the 8th floor of my building. How was I going to get out of this living hell? I could hear the crackle of a fire moving swiftly on the floor above me. I began to black out.
The last thing I remember was waking up in the hospital, breathing tubes shoved down my throat, and choking on the very things that kept me alive. A petite looking, female nurse soon rushed into the pastel colored room and immedietly called for the doctor. She removed the breathing tube at once and told me not to speak. Then the doctor dashed in. His tall, musicular figure was something of a dream. His short, dark brown hair contrasted his light bown, blemishless skin perfectly. Could this be heaven? But then reality hit me like an oncoming train. I was in the hospital, most likely in critical condition, and I had barely any knowledge of what had or will happen.
"Hello Ms. Conrey. I am Dr. Henry and I will be your physician for the time being. Do you know what happened to you?" My prince charming asked me.
"Kind of" I squeaked out.
"You were involved in a fire at your apartment building. You almost died" Dr. Henry exclaimed.
As reality struck me like a massive bolt of lightning, I sat in utter silence.
"D-d-does my mom know what happened?" I asked in a raspy, overworked voice, after a few awkward moments of silence.
"Try not to talk Ms. Conrey, you breathed in quite a bit of smoke. But on a better note, your mother has been informed and will be here in the morning. I will be back to check on you in a few hours, sleep well Ms. Conrey."
His dashing figure swiftly marched out of the room. Wow, I thought. I began thinking about my new found crush. But after a few minutes of this nonsense, I remembered the promise. This made me somewhat angry at myself for even thinking of Dr. Henry as anything more than a friend. Besides, he's probably just another jerk that acts like a angel until he finds a better offer from some other love sick girl. Gosh, life is so confusing sometimes.
