I Am Only Human

Human

James silently gritted his teeth in pain as his father whipped him. After several lashes, the young boy's father violently gripped his shoulder and whispered threateningly to him "Are you disciplined now, you mindless cur? Answer me!"

James Gillies nodded fearfully as he answered "Y-Yes Sir. I am disciplined."

The man let go of his son as he said "Good. Now go to your room. You will go to bed without supper tonight." James nodded before quietly following his father out of the dark basement.

-

James wiped away the warm tears from his cold face. Then went to his bed and pulled the covers over himself in his lonely room.

He sadly sighed and thought about his miserable life and horrible parents. Practically every day, he would be dressed and groomed to have lessons with his governess and attend the parties his parents would take him; parties ranging from charity auctions to soirées.

He absolutely hated his life, being forced to associate with the other rich snobs' children that were stupid and disliked by him.

But...he had no choice.

Any act of misbehaviour and disobedience would result in him being punished severely, even if it was a simple and unintentional mistake by his young mind.

James Gillies shivered as he thought of what his father did to him last night, merely because James had accidentally spilled water on his own clothes.

The depressed child sniffled, and then buried his face in his pillow.

"Is anybody there? Does anybody care, what I'm feeling? I want to disappear, so nobody can hear me when I'm screaming; cause I could use a hand sometimes. Yeah, I could use a hand sometimes..." James whispered to himself.

_______________________________________________________________

It had already been a year since James Gillies' arrest and him being sent to prison. For an entire year, he had to endure atrocious verbal and physical abuse from the guards.

James bitterly glared at the wall in front of him, thinking about the fact that the only reason he was suffering in his life was because of his parents' stupid, high expectations.

The young man cautiously adjusted his dark blonde hair to cover his new bruise on his right cheek bone. He sighed silently as he remembered that tonight was the most abusive guard's shift. James was going to receive a beating from him, without a doubt.

He could feel his wounds burning and his bruises aching.

"They say "Pain is an illusion, this is just a bruise and you are just confused." but I am only human. I could use a hand sometimes. I am only human, I am only human, I am only human..." the young man murmured.

James helplessly closed his eyes as he heard the sound of the door to his prison cell being opened.

_______________________________________________________________

Years later, after all the games he had played, he was wearing a restraint and placed in a special room.

James Gillies smirked ruefully as he thought about all that was said about him.

Monster.

Murderer.

Psychopath.

Inhuman.

They thought that he was some sort of maniacal killer who became who he is just because he was a deranged madman.

James shook his head. 'No. You're all wrong. Ever since I was a child, everyone thought I was an emotionless machine and they neglected me, forcing me to do what they wanted me to do. I simply wanted them to see I was tired of all the torment and had feelings. Hm, I suppose no one will ever understand me in this world...' he thought to himself. 'An affectionate raising and decent treatment would have prevented all of this.'

"The night is bitter cold. I wonder if you know, that I'm sleepless. Waiting like a ghost, when I need you the most, I go unnoticed; cause I could use a hand sometimes. Yeah, I could use a hand sometimes. They say "Pain is an illusion, this is just a bruise and you are just confused." But I am only human...! I could use a hand sometimes. I am only human. I am only human..." Gillies softly said.

_______________________________________________________________

"I've got nothing to lose!" was what the criminal said as he gave the detective a smug smile.

'Do I?' James asked himself. 'Of course not, you fool!' he quickly answered himself.

And with that, he daringly jumped in to the river. The moment he was in the water, he knew he was going to die. Handcuffed and desperate? If he was lucky, he would die of dire injuries and fractures.

Well, this was all because he was human.

"The weight of the world is pulling me down. Where are you now? Where are you now...?! Every breath feels like I'm going to drown. Where are you now? Where are you now? I'm the only one left alone on this Earth... Singing this song but can't find the words...cause I could use a hand sometimes. Yeah, I could use a hand sometimes." was the last thing the criminal thought about, before losing consciousness.

_______________________________________________________________

The broken lad slowly opened his eyes.

Oh. He had survived. That was a miracle.

James Gillies felt as if his body was on fire as he instantaneously felt the agonising pain. He wordlessly smiled weakly.

"They say "Pain is an illusion, this is just a bruise and you are just confused." But I am only human. I could use a hand sometimes. I am only human..." James Gillies whispered to himself as tears streamed down his face.