Everything was shaky and rough, but it was able to be adapted to until a while later, things got worse.
I started losing my ability to feel, even the idols and the very person I held close to my heart I felt a wide distance to, for a while.
I lost my ability to feel happy for my idols, I didn't want to let go, and especially to let go of my friend. They weren't toxic to me in an abusive way, but I suppose they gave me an intake of too much love and affection my heart chose to burn out.
My best friend, who will forever be my always I began to feel a wide distance to, we talked but it felt absent. We made small talk but it ended up with us walking in different directions all while still communicating. Everything was collapsing while I withstood my relationship with fake friends who I used just in order to not look like a complete fucking loser, as work piled up around me and my mind added to my OCD just kept me working myself out.
Until I somehow got pulled out of it. I don't remember how and why. All I knew was that for once, something went ok. Maybe the "It gets better" bullshit wasn't an empty lie for once I told myself to keep going in this hellhole. I don't know how but someday, somehow, we started to begin get closer and closer again, my friend and I. I somehow recently gathered feelings and immense love for the things I felt passionate for, my idols I loved became comforting to me once more, and my friend and I were mended. Someday, due to my terrible luck, things will come crashing down again once more, just like before from all my let-downs, mistakes causing me to possibly burn out, once again — but for once. Once. Even if it's just for a little while, everything was okay.
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People a lot of the time pity you and say it gets better. It does. Even though your world may be shit right now keep going, you held on this long. You kept going, you made it far. Be proud of yourself !!
