So, Sad Stranger...

So, Sad Stanger

Hey, tell me why are you so sad? You say you shed a tear almost every night. A sad, broken tear. It hurts me to see you like this, not knowing why you cry. Not knowing how to make you feel better. Tell me. I want to understand what haunts you at night. I want to know what hurts you so much that the pain lingers throughout the whole day. At night, when you are tired and exhausted, that sadness becomes so much stronger that it creeps out.

Tell me. Tell me why are you so sad.

I...I do cry often. Surrounded by the warmth of my bed and a dark ceiling. My guard seems to always fall apart. It may sound stupid and unbelievable. The truth is...most times the tears just fall on their own. My life might be short and eventless, yet somehow I still live with this horrible, hollow, sensation in my chest. It threatens to overcome me, swallowing me whole, some nights. Sometimes, the pain is so strong making it possible to suddenly feel this sadness during the day. As I talk to my friends, while I am in the car, watching a movie or having a good time. It is unexpected and keeps me guessing. However, it is always the same pain in my chest. Even now, as I write this, I feel the pain in my chest and the tears threaten to fall.

Where does that pain come from? How is it that you feel such sadness? I may not know you well, and maybe just because you are a stranger to me I can tell you that I notice the pain in your eyes. The sad expression you make when you think no one is watching, yet at the same time you hope someone will see your pain.

I see your pain. I see it clearly.

Pain is such a strong word. The sensation I get is not such an edgy feeling. It is not something that is harsh and merciless, sometimes quick, like pain. This sensation is hollow. It is soft, slow and persistent. It takes its time in its attempt to drown me. Time or place it is not constant. And most of all it feels like a humid sensation spreading around my chest. Some would even say it feels cold to the touch. And maybe it is. It is no stranger to me. My ability to be able to notice the difference might be questionable.

I do not want to pressure you into telling me. The last thing I want to do is bring you more pain. I am trying to understand, for you. If only I could know how to help you beforehand. If only I could read you like an open book, know what is hurting you. I would chase it and hunt it down.

I would.

This...hollow feeling in my chest is not something you can just chase away. It is not a physical thing. It comes from many things in my life that cause me pain. I realize now that one thing is not responsible for these tears.

You do not have to hide your thoughts from me. I am a stranger, who does not know your past, present and your hopes for the future. I know nothing of you. Therefore, I will not judge you for your thoughts. Your thoughts are yours alone and I have no power over them.

So, sad stranger, let your thoughts roam free and become words on this paper.

There is a part of me, a big part, that has shaped me into the person I am today. Because of it I have learned so much about the world, myself and how to become the person I wish to be. I have come to love this part of me, very much. However, it makes life a bit lonely. I am a minority. It may sound like I am ungrateful for who I am, but that is not the case. I am only lonely. Being a minority means many things, but it also makes me sometimes feel like an outsider in my own group of friends. I am able to see the world in a different light.

What you are saying does not sound sad. The way you express your gratitude for who you are does not seem in anyway like it could lead you to pain.

So, sad stranger, how is it possible you feel hollow because of it?

I am a minority. Sadly, that also means there are fewer people like me. And finding similar people like me in such a big society can be quite difficult. I find myself being hopeful for the future, yet I can never find someone who will spend it with me. I can never find someone that feels the same way I feel about them. But do not misunderstand my words. I do not blame them, at all, for not feeling the same way. I blame no one. However, that does not stop me from feeling lonely and hollow every night. Knowing that the person I like will never see me the way I see them. Or the way my body shivers with excitement as they walk by. As they talk or even smile at me I can't help but smile like a fool.

People tell me I will eventually find someone, someone who smiles when they see me, just like I do. I do believe it will eventually happen. I am a person filled with hopes and dreams, you see. People come and go, a few stay in my heart, but no matter how hard I try or how much I wish for it to happen, I never seem to stay in their hearts. In the end, I always seem to end up alone.

My hands try to hold on to that hope. They grab onto it tightly, never letting it go. But slowly, after every time I give my heart to someone just for it to be crushed, my hope starts to slip away.

I could try to convince you with the words you most likely have already heard. I would say that you will eventually find someone and everything will be alright. I could...but I won't. Because I know it will do nothing to take away that hollow pain in your chest. It will not restore your hope or take away your tears. But I am a dreamer as well. I cannot, no, I will not let you dreams get destroyed by pain.

So, sad stranger, I will fight to get you your hope back.

Hey...it's alright. I will tell you one last secret, one last hidden thought of mine.

I know I cannot stop this pain, for now at least, and I realized that long ago. And even though I shed countless tears because of it, that does not mean I have stopped fighting. I still grab onto my hope, tightly. My hope is my dream. Whenever I feel that pain in my chest and that wet tear roll down my cheek I think of my dream.

My dream is a simple one, yet for me it is the strongest one. My dream is of me...sleeping in bed, covered in warm sheets and a soft blanket, but I am not alone. Next to me, with their arms holding me softly and lovingly, is the person I love. On my body I feel their warmth, their breath on my skin and the beating of their heart in my ears.

So, sad stranger, it seems that in the end you never needed my help. You never needed me. You figured out how to fight it all by yourself. I am proud of you, sad stranger. I believe you have realized that the pain you have is not something that can just be taken away so simply. Such pain can destroy one's soul and spirit to live. No matter what happens, never forget that dream.

For we are both dreamers...and dreamers must have a dream to dream.

A dream to dream, huh?

Yes, one might not believe it to be so simple. However, hopes and dreams go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other.

It is easy to forget.

Especially when the pain threatens to devour me whole...

Especially in those moments you must concentrate on your dream. Concentrate on how you will feel, how it will feel and with time you start to realize that you are starting to defeat that horrible, hollow pain in your chest. It is a slow and tiring progress indeed.

Therefore, you will become stronger in the end.

So, wise stranger, what is your dream?