paint it black [h.s]

[nine] taste

****okay i know it's been a while (well over a year ) since my last update and the boys have broken up (basically) but i'm still gonna use their names as they are friends and such ok love you  *****

-Harry-

It took everything I had in me to tell Stella.  I don't know why I explained something to her that sounded so insane, but I couldn't let my attitude change so suddenly around her without an explanation.  I couldn't let my cruel dark side hurt her.  I just knew I had to trust her with this.

As I told her, I watched as she tensed up and her breathing became shorter and quicker.   She was scared, and I didn't blame her.  The voice in my head was excessive and threatening, it's never been like this.  It was trying to take over my mind, my thoughts, my actions, but all I had to do was look at her.  

"You just don't understand that I hear this voice every single day, and it will not cease.  Nothing can stop it.  Nothing," I explained.  She reached over the table and her small hands grabbed onto my large ones.  The  soft touch making me lust for her whole body.

"I don't care how long it will take, but I promise you, I will make them go away once and for all."  She looked at me, her eyes locked into mine.  I knew she meant it, and I was entirely grateful.

"Thank you, love," I said, and I meant it.  Afterwards, I paid for both of us and we made our way out of the restaurant.  The sound of bells chimed through my ears as we walked out.  Cold, brisk air whipped my face once we were outside.  Stella was only wearing a sweater and I could tell she was freezing.  Not having a coat myself, I put my arm around her and she buried her face against my chest.  My heart was beating and I had feelings with her that I have never experienced before.  

We both made our way onto the motorcycle and back to the coffee house.  I felt her arms wrap around my torso, holding on as tight as possible.  The feeling of her body wrapped around mine made my heart beat even faster and all I could think about was the things I would do to her if I could.  

I sped through town as quickly as I could.  For having only a motorcycle, I felt bad that I had to drive her on this in this weather.  Before I knew it, we were in front of the coffee house.  

"Thank you for this lovely evening, Harry," she smiled, looking up at me with her innocent brown eyes.  

"Thank you for agreeing to come with me.  I had a great time," I smiled back.

"Well, I...I guess I'll see you next weekend," she said.  

She turned around to make her way home but before she could even make two steps, I stopped her.  

"Do you mind if I walk you home?"  My nervousness was obvious in my voice. 

"I would love that."  

Once again, she found her way buried into my chest as we walked slowly down the cold street.  This time, my arm wrapped around her back and to her waist.  She didn't seem to mind, though.  Her house was about ten minutes from the coffee house.  Those ten minutes were filled with silence, but it wasn't the awkward kind of silence.  The silence felt nice because all we needed was each other's presence.  

"Well, this is me," she said, stopping in front of a gate, shivering.  The house was more modern and was a decent size.  It was two stories and was covered with a grey-coloured brick.  It was one of the nicest houses I had ever seen.  "Thank you, again, for tonight," she said again, breaking my thoughts.  I stood in front of her, towering over her.  

She leaned closer to me and wrapped her small arms around my wide body.  I hugged her back and held her close to me, never wanting to let go.  It felt like seconds by the time she pulled away.  I didn't want to leave her.  

"I'll see you next weekend, love," I said softly.  I reached down and kissed her forehead gently.  She walked towards the gate and up her steps before looking back and smiling towards me.  

Finally, I turned around and made my way back to the coffee shop.

Once I was home, I stripped off my clothes and made my way to my shower.  I turned the knob to the hottest setting, of course, and just let all of my stress go down the drain.  Stella filled my mind.  I thought about her promise, and how her soft hands felt against mine.  I thought about her big, brown eyes gazing into mine.  I thought about her smile and how it formed.  I thought about the way I can make her laugh so easily.  She filled my cold heart with so much joy.  

As I stepped out of the shower, the thoughts finally came creeping back in.  The voices have found their time to break through, now that I'm alone.  I leaned my head back, and sighed.  With only my towel wrapped around my waist, I brought myself slowly to the kitchen.  It was cold, of course, out of the hot shower, but I didn't care.  A craving for alcohol was now present and I reached for my bottle of vodka.  I watched it pour into my glass.  Without thinking, I poured way more than I should have, but I didn't care.  I drank it straight and brought the bottle with me to my bedroom.  

With every step the voices became louder.  They spoke dark things, and things about Stella that made me want to scream until I couldn't hear them anymore.  I wanted to make them stop, but I couldn't.  The more I drank, the more muffled they became.  I've become so used to it, it no longer burned my throat.  It almost felt good while the voices spoke inside my head.  It was ironically keeping me sane.  

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I know it's been a while and I'm sorry but my birthday was yesterday and i feel like i want to start writing again here you go!!!!!!

xx natalie