Blue Money | Nick Robinson

Chapter Seventeen: Need

The sound of our footfalls sound like loud cracks with how quiet it is.

Dawn is right behind me keeping lookout as I unlock the library. I try not to think about how much trouble i'd be in for this if anybody found out.

After Nick fainted yesterday we all decided we needed to have some fun. Or at least something that didn't involve Layla, Emma and now Miles.

Blake was in bad shape still and we wanted, needed, to cheer him up. Plus focusing on other people's shit gave me an excuse to not think about how I was feeling about, well, everything.

Me and Dawn shuffle into the library and I try not to let the door slam behind us. The keys jingle as i gently toss them onto the counter.

Dawn immediately goes to the couches and lies down, stretching her legs out. I sit right next to her feet.

"I don't wanna hear any of your 'this is a bad idea' bullshit," She closes her eyes.

"I wasn't goi-"

"Sure, you weren't."

"Dawn," I wait until she cracks a blue eye open to stare at me. "We could all use some fun or whatever. I'm all in for whatever."

She sits up and crosses her legs. There's a gaping hole in the black tights she's wearing, right on her knee.

"I miss Miles," She sounds like she's trying not to cry.

I'm surprised she mentions him and look down at the stain on my jeans. "Yeah, never thought I would say it but I do too."

"This is so unfair! Layla just gets to stroll around while we don't get to see Savvy or Miles anymore." Dawn stands up. "I keep saying we need to do something about that cunt because I swear to god if she even as so much looks at you I'm going to axe murder her crazy bitch ass."

"Chill," I grab her hand and pull her onto the couch with me. She drapes her legs on mine but crosses her arms. "We can do something about it later. I miss Sav too but I can't do anything about it. I'm worried about Nick. And Blake."

"How is Fainty McFaint?"

I roll my eyes at her comment. "He's fine. I think he just got overwhelmed, which is why I'm not going to start dragging him into some wild revenge plot against Layla. Not yet."

"He doesn't have to know..."

"I'm not lying to him," I shake my head. "I don't want to lose him."

"You lovebirds are so goddamn dramatic."

"Dawn, have you ever been in love?" I ask her.

She blinks at me, shocked at the abrupt question but she shrugs a little. "Maybe."

"So, you don't have any idea what it's like, what it feels like?"

Dawn swallows. "No, I guess not."

"It feels like somebody took all your bones out and built a house out of them, like your heart isn't even your heart; it's beating faster than you want it too but it doesn't live inside your chest anymore."

"Have you always been this hell bent on making everything you say sound like a poem?" Dawn pulls her legs up and rests her chin on her knees, looking at me with wide blue green eyes.

"No, I think this place changed me," I say, truthfully.

"Into what?"

"Into someone who sees beauty and pain as synonyms."

Dawn doesn't respond and starts trailing her fingers over the torn hole in her tights, not looking at me. I don't think I've ever pictured her crying but it's softer than I thought it would be. It only lasts a few minutes and I don't say anything.