Faking Normal

Chapter One

Step one: Go back to the normal every day routine before the accident. They said taking the first step would be the hardest. Just baby steps, no ones rushing you Mel, the shrink had said, we all want you to feel comfortable and ready before you go back to school. I know she had only been doing her job, but the first step wasn't the hardest. None of the steps would be. Just cause you could organize and compartmentalize the situation into a list of steps didn't change anything. It didn't change the reason i had to have these list of steps. It didn't make going back to school after the accident any easier for me. I think Dr. Reynolds, the shrink, was surprised at how little it was effecting me going back to school so soon. I'm pretty sure she just thinks it's my way of coping. My mom's worried I haven't taken enough time to grieve, or reassess myself or adjust. But how can one ever fully adjust to something like this? I only knew one thing: I wanted everything to just go back to the way it was. But that could never happen, because I couldn't turn back time and erase the accident. No one could.

I took one last look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I wish I could remember what the girl in the mirror used to look like before the accident. I liked that girl. She was always smiling. This new person I didn't recognize.

"Mel, time to get going! You don't want to be late!" I heard my moms voice echo from downstairs, startling me.

"Y-yeah....uh, I'll be right down!" I yelled back stuttering. I'll admit, I was nervous about going back to school. I was prepared for all the pity and sympathy but I still felt sick to my stomach. I just didn't want to be treated differently, but that I knew was inevitable. I left the bathroom and padded down our winding grand staircase (being the Mayor's daughter had its perks) to the foyer where my mom was waiting for me, her hand on the door knob. I noticed that in her other hand were her car keys. I sighed inwardly.

"Mom, i thought we agreed that I was driving myself to school." I said meeting her at the front doors.

"I know, but with it being so soon, I can't help but think I should drive you just in case you change your mind." She added the last part quickly. I knew she was worried about me driving by myself on the road. She already had been worrying about me driving when I first got my license but now even more so after the accident. And I understand, I mean I couldn't blame her, but I had made up my mind. I had todo this on my own. For myself. If that even made sense. I could see her concern for me in the creases of her forehead. My mom, Catherine Sullivan, used to look so radiant, almost as if the sun was shining right through her persona. Everything was so bright and genuine about her, from her smile to her warm brown eyes that were passed on to me. She still held that radiance and genuineness and despite her age she looked youthful but some of that light had now dimmed.

"Mom, Dr. Reynolds suggested I ease into a normal steady routine. Driving myself to school was what I used to always do." I reasoned.

"I know, I know." Mom sighed, "are you sure you want to go back so soon? You don't have to. No ones forcing you love." She gave an understand smile.

I took a deep breath to reassure my self, it didn't, and nodded, "I'm sure."

I could tell how reluctant my mom was, to let me go, and why shouldn't she be after all that had happened? "alright, drive safe, and text me when you get to the parking lot- But don't text till you're parked!" She added hastily pointing a finger at me. "OH! And don't forget the dedication ceremony is tonight!" She said realization hitting. My mom was like that she'd remember something and then a split second later remember another thing she had forgotten.

"I promise and I know I'll be home in time  for it don't worry I wouldn't miss this." I assured her kissing her cheek, and hurrying out the door before she changed her mind. I heard her yell "I love you" behind me. The warm sun and crisp September breeze met my face as I closed the door behind me. It felt good, after being cooped up most of the summer. It was clear blue skies that promised a good day. At least I hoped it would be a good day. My ears were met with the growling of lawn mowers, swishing of sprinklers, clipping of hedge trimmers and dogs barking coming from my early bird neighbors. Typical morning in Middleton. I walked down the stone steps of my house to where my white Nissan was parked along the curb. I unlocked my car and then threw my bag into the front seat before hopping in. I buckled myself in, and then slowly put both my hands on the wheel. I hadn't touched this car since the accident. I felt anxiety and nerves surfacing in my body causing my heart to pound my body to shake but I knew I couldn't keep fearing this forever. So I Sucked it up, focused on slowing my heart rate and started the engine. Start the engine: check. Alright Mel, time for the hard part. Okay, I thought to myself as I eased my foot on the accelerator. This is okay. It's not so bad, it can only get easier from here right? Out of the corner of my eye I noticed some of my neighbors who were out eyeing me. Their faces read either surprise or sympathy. I guess I better get used to those looks. I was in for a lot of them today and probably for a while. I also noticed the for sale sign in the yard of the home next to mine now read sold. I guess we have new neighbors I thought. The drive was going well, smoothly even, and I felt my body slowly start to relax. I was driving on Main Street about half a mile to school when suddenly the car in front of me slammed on its breaks. I didn't have enough time to slow down before breaking! I didn't even have time to think! My car wasn't slowing down fast enough! The car in front me grew closer and closer by the second. I felt my heart beat speed up, threatening to explode in my chest. The front of my car went right into the back of the car in front me! I jolted forward at the sudden contact and was shaken up a bit but over all I was fine. But judging by the sound the cars had made colliding, I doubt my beautiful Nissan was. I groaned. I felt oxygen flood back through me. I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath. Blood was pounding in my ears. Great this was just fantastic! Just my luck, I fender bend a car on my first day back to school. Ugh! I pounded the steering wheel frustratedly. How was I supposed to tell my mom this?! She'd never let me drive by myself again! So stupid, stupid, stupid! I groaned and let my head droop on the wheel as I saw a tall broad-shouldered guy around my age step out of the car my Nissan just bumped heads with. I sighed, unbuckled and got out of my car before he reached my door.