Old Loves, They Die Hard

As I am walking offstage to the hallway where the dressing rooms are located, I notice a woman shutting one of the doors. My heart starts to pound as I realize it's her. She looks up, meeting my eyes with her cool stare.

"Hello, Ms. Jansen." Her tone is icily polite, like her stare.

"Ms. Turunen," I reply, my voice just as icy as hers. Neither of us smiles or shows any sign of affection. It's almost as if we're just two singers meeting for the first time at a festival, rather than ex-lovers who once shared everything. The truth is, we had a huge fight about two years ago,after which she walked out on me, leaving me alone and heartbroken. My wounds have healed since then, but seeing her rips them open once again. I realize with a pang of sadness that I still love her, and have never stopped loving her.

"I saw that Nightwish was playing tonight. It is so strange, to play at the same festival as my former band," she says. I nod stiffly.

"And even stranger that I, a young fangirl, could grow up to become the singer for that very same band." She nods. An uncomfortable silence settles on both of us, until I can't stand it anymore and say, "You know, I've been lonely."

"You should have thought about that when you decided to ignore me," she answers in a clipped tone.

"Tarja, I didn't ignore you. I was just super busy."

"I felt like I was being ignored. You never had time for me. You hurt me, Floor," she says, the volume of her voice dropping until it is almost a whisper. She turns away, and I know her well enough to know that she is trying to hide her tears. I step forward and lay a hesitant hand on her shoulder. She doesn't move, and I carefully embrace her. She stiffens and I let go.

"Tarja, honey-"

"Don't call me that!" she snaps,whirling around.  Her eyes are full of anger and pain, and instantly I am sorry. I did hurt her. I got so caught up in other things that I forgot to give her the love she needed. I never made time for her. I tried, but I guess not hard enough.

"I'm so sorry, Tarja. I love you, I always did. I want our relationship back." She takes a step forward, and for a moment I think she might hit me, but she simply strokes my cheek. Her touch is light, almost not even there.

"Maybe someday, Floor," she whispers. She leans in and places a gentle kiss on my lips. Then she is gone and I am left alone, wondering what just happened.