Her Stolen Innocence (Teen Pregnancy) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 5 - Blue Eyes

Sunday February 20 2010

Mom would be asleep, unaware of what I had gone through. No worries at all. Should I tell her? If I did, it would worry her and cause her stress. Should I? She had so much work and her own problems, I didn’t want to weaken her strong shoulders with my burden and make them as weak as mine. But if I didn’t tell her she would be mad. She would find out somehow. She would see my attitude, how suspicious I would be. She would ask me and pressure me until I told her and I couldn’t lie even if I wanted to. All my life I had been an open book, a see through glass, walking with my heart on my sleeve and I would always be like that. Lying was hard for me to do and I was terrible at it, my mom has known me all my life and she knew perfectly when I was lying or hiding something, and she would be a pest until I told her. She would be heartbroken if I didn’t, so I will. Soon, somehow, someday. No, I will tell her later on today, you have to Evelyn.

I hadn’t noticed how grungy I felt until I was in the security of my home, with my mother. I had felt slightly better and I started to walk down the living room into the hall and inside the bathroom where I shut the door behind me.

It was dark inside the room. Oh God! It was him, he’s here! The blue eyes were staring at me in the dark and fear and alarm went up inside me. My hands trembled like a scared child’s and I moved my left hand on the wall, searching and fumbling up and down and side to side until my hands found the switch and I flipped it on. Light. Thank God for light. It was a hallucination, that was all Evelyn. I tried to calm myself and shaking like a rattlesnake’s tail I put the water on maximum heat. Waiting for the water to heat up I took off my clothes and turned to the mirror. 

I was taken aback by the image I saw. That can’t be me, it just can’t be! A tear went down my eye and in the mirror was a broken hearted and abused soul. The image was hurt, with bruises on her shoulders and a red mark on her neck, her eyes were red and her cheeks were pale, no color or blood in them at all, it was unhealthy. It was me. I looked down at my legs and gasp.   There was dry blood on them running from that place and I knew why. I felt my eyes swell in their sockets.

I stepped into the shower, not wanting to stare at the depressed and thin limp body that was mine. I had none of my usual beauty and radiance, no color in my skin or hair, my eyes weren’t happy, they were broken, frozen and red. My smile was only a shadow long gone on my face. It wasn’t me. But it was.

The steaming water calmed the stressed limbs in my body, the tensed muscles were now becoming weaker and soft, and my skin wasn’t cold, it was warm thanks to the water. 

I soaped my body with the Japanese Cherry Blossom soap and cleaned my whole body except one place.

I wasn’t sure if I could. I hadn’t noticed I was crying again, the tears camouflaged into the water drops and I couldn’t hear the low sobs escaping me, for the water was running too fast, but I became well aware when I noticed how strangely I was moving.

I couldn’t go there, I just couldn’t touch it... because he had. I felt so dirty, unclean, like trash, something to be used and treated like a toy and thrown away. I was a toy, like he said. I wanted to die. I didn’t think I could go on with this and it had been less than half a day. Could I do an hour more, a day, a week, a month, a year, a whole life? I’m not sure. I felt so used and worthless.

Only water reached there, running down my body but I didn’t. I didn’t care if it was stupid or disgusting but I couldn’t. I was a coward, afraid now of everything; even my own body. I backed into the wall of the shower and slid down to the floor hugging my knees and crying as the water kept running over me.

I didn’t want to think anymore, I wanted to sleep, be plunged in darkness where I have nothing to think about and stay like that for hours if not days. My life and all the little amount of vigor I had in me was gone.