In The Process

Chapter 2

So I can make believe I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see
That without you girl my life is incomplete
~ Sisqo; Incomplete

I sit and look out the window that decorates my tiny room and watch the sunrise. The sun rising has always been such a beautiful thing to me, I have always been a morning person. This was a time that I could just sit, think and watch the world come to be what we all are used to during the day.
My thoughts range from many different things, why mother doesn't love me, where my father is and if he's thinking about me, life after high school and not having to live with my mother anymore.
My mind is always racing. Like at the moment I'm thinking about whether Chelsea and I are going to have problems from after what transpired in class yesterday. She seemed to have been upset, and all I did was state my honest opinion, that's how I know it's best for me to not have friends. I'm better off to myself.

After hearing my alarm go off beside me I decided it was time to get up and get ready for school.
I made my way to the bathroom with my things and started my morning hygienic routine. After finishing I went to my room and pulled out a plaid button-down without sleeves along with black jeans with holes going up the legs then I combed my hair down, grabbed my bag and made my way to the kitchen.
Once making my way to the kitchen I see my mother sitting at the table eating a plate full of breakfast and of course no plate for me. I bypass my mother and go to a cabinet and grab a granola bar that she says has to suffice me through the whole day until dinner.
"Oh honey don't eat it all in one bite, savor the flavor" she snickered while looking back at me.
"Of course not" I said walking out the house and soon after arriving at the bus stop.
"Ayo, you tha guh that told Chelsea wassup yestaday" some boy walked up to me and questioned. I looked over at him and was so surprised by what I saw, he was such a beautiful sight to see yet sounded so uneducated.
"The question is actually supposed to be, am I the girl from the situation yesterday. Anyways, to answer your question, I guess so. People are making it a bigger thing than it needs to be." I said glancing at the screwed up facial expression he gave me.
"All that extra stuff at the beginning is not what I asked you"
"Well, I felt the need to give you an early bird lesson. Now you have a nice day." I say walking over a little.
"What the hell is wrong with that broad ?" I heard the boy ask someone. "She think she betta than er'body, you heard how shit went with ole guh yestaday" I was amused yet confused that they would talk about me as if I'm not right here and that the people I have been amongst all my life assume I think I'm better. I decide to push it and the beautiful boy to the back of my head and board the bus as it pulls up.
***
"FATIMA !" I hear someone yell my name, I turn and look back for a second but continue walking. After taking one step I feel someone lightly yank my shoulder back. "I know ya heard me call ya name" The young man from yesterday said catching his breath
"I'm sorry how do you know my name? " I ask while still making my way to my locker so I can get to third block on time. "I asked around". He says looking around sheepishly making me raise my eyebrows in confusion.
"Why would you do that"? I asked closing my locker and swiftly trying to make it to class.
"Just because" He says looking at the ground and I take the time to take in his attire, he stands in front of me with a short haircut with waves, nice chocolate melanin skin tone, sporting some loose fitted denim jeans that looks to not be on his waist along with a plain white t-shirt with a gold cross laying on his chest. He doesn't look bad but isn't my type, come to think of it...I don't know what my type is actually.
"Don't you need to be getting to class"? I ask as we near my classroom door "I take it that you never noticed me in this class" he states looking up in my eyes with his light brown orbs. I felt a little sorry because of the look that he was giving me. "Sorry but no, I never noticed you but I don't notice anyone in my classes really except for teachers. But I'm going to go take my seat now" I say leaving him at the door and taking my seat next to the windows, taking my notebook out ready for today's work. I could feel and see the boy looking at me but not once did I look at him, just focused and waited for class to be over.
***
It's now lunchtime and I sit at at my usual table in the back of the library with my music book out and on my lap with my feet propped up on the little table in front of me.
As I am vigorously writing I feel someone standing over me, I look up while shutting my book and seeing the boy from my bus stop earlier.
"Can I help you, you look out of place?" I say looking him over. He's dressed in some baggy jeans that are below his waist and a black designer looking shirt with a few gold chains around his neck, a gold watch on his wrist and has beautiful curly short hair. With a full book bag hanging on one of his shoulders.
"You see ma, that's a bit stereotypical if I must say so" he says taking his bag off and sitting in the seat across from me sitting it in his lap. I get a little bothered that he felt the need to come all the way back here.
"Well I apologize but what are you doing back here" I question while putting my book up and looking at him. "I have business I handle back here" he says patting his bag. "What kind of business"
"Why are you questioning me, what's up with the stuff in the book? Seemed pretty good" he says smiling showcasing straight white teeth. "You were looking in my book" ?! I asked upset "I mean it was out there" he responds while shrugging "No the hell it wasn't, it was in my lap for me and only me to see, why would you do that" I spat out while gathering my stuff standing up ready to storm out. "Aye chill, my bad I didn't know it would be that serious to you" "You still had no right to do that, but you have a good day," I say swiftly leaving the library, going into a restroom and going in a stall to collect myself.
"Girl yea that hoe got me sent out of class yesterday, knowing she probably had just as many abortions as me if not more" I heard what seemed to be Chelsea waltzing in with footsteps filing in behind her. "You don't know how bad I wanted to cut the fade with that girl, she had me heated then Jacob lil ugly self just had to say something and basically put my business out there. Knowing he wasn't going to take care of me nor a baby. His wallet is not set up for that and what I look like being the baby mother to a lil corner boy" I looked out the crack of the stall to see her looking in the mirror at herself
"Girl you know Jacob would have taken care of that baby, I don't know why you sleepin' on him. He's a nice guy" "And how the hell would you know that" "We used to be cool. You know that. Don't nobody want Jacob over this way, and about that girl you trippin' over nothin'. She was simply stating how she felt about the situation." "Thank you" I sort of whisper yelled then covered my mouth "Did y'all hear something" Chelsea's voice asked "Nah but let's go lunch almost over" One of her friends stated and they all left and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding and came out the stall and washed my hands, left out and went to my next class.
****
I walk into my last and more favorite class of the day, Health.
"Alright class since yesterday was a touchy subject we'll move from that subject. So today we'll be talking about the wonderful cycle of life, also we'll be doing a project. I don't wanna be as you kids say "basic" and predictable with the project but it is what it is. Let me explain the project, so as a class you all will be taking questionnaires about what you would look for in a partner, things you like, things you don't like and you will then be partnered up with another person and we will take it to the next part. Understand." She tells us and a few kids get a little excited and anxious as I am just wondering why. I don't want to do a project with anyone especially a project basically leading to a fake baby.
"So to do the questionnaire we will be taking a field trip to the library so let's get our things together and make our way down there as a silent and behaved class" She says looking around and giving a few pointed looks.
Once making it to the library we all get a computer and we are all filling it out while some students talk I just sit there and answer the questions. We stay in the library until the bell sounds letting us all know that it is time for school to be out.
I log out and stand along with my things and make my way outside to my bus, I climb on and take a seat in the middle by myself. I sit and look out the window waiting to take off, just before we leave I feel someone sit beside with me a strong intoxicating cologne on that I just took a liking to. I look over and it is the same boy was talking to me this morning at the bus stop. I turn back to the window. While rolling my eyes.
"Awe come on. You not happy to see me, I said it was my bad." He says "I would like to ride home in peace." I say not even looking at him. "Well my name is JaZiah," I just say nothing sitting and waiting for this ride to be over wondering why these two guys decided to start talking to me, I don't bother anybody, I was going through this year with not really anybody trying to speak to me. Why now ?
Once getting to my stop I tell him so I can get out. He stands up but not far enough because when I was walking out the seat I feel his body against the back of my body and I roll my eyes walking off seeing him get off too. I then wonder why he didn't just get off first. I leave it alone and venture home.
"You're home, great" I hear my mothers voice call out cheerfully and I wonder what's gotten into her. I round the living room corner and see her and a man in a suit sitting on the couches across from each other.
"Mother what's going on " I question while dropping my bag making her look at it then me making me pick it right back up. "This is an agent, a modeling agent." She says with excitement in her voice as well as her eyes. While I just quietly sigh. "Oh" Is all I say which makes her look at me sternly and nod her head slowly. I know she just thought of my punishment for when this man leaves. "Why don't you come sit" She says tight lipped and staring at me intently as I come take the seat next to her.
"So we were talking about your career and you signing with us." The man tells me. "That's nice, isn't it sweetie" Mother says looking at me and I don't even look her way. "Of course" he then goes over the details if I were to sign with him and things that would happen for me. I was interested but not that much because this just all felt forced because of mother. By the end of the meeting I had signed him to be my agent for a trial period of three months. Mother was so excited as she walked him out the door.
"Because this happened I'll reward you. You can start eating a reasonable lunch when you get to school if you can afford it, I am not going to give you the money and you better not get a debt that I will have to pay for. Now go get your bread and cheese, handle your business then head to bed" She tells me then goes to her room, my stomach growls at that news. School food isn't really good but it's better than not eating at all.
Once eating my bread and cheese I do what I'm told then go to my small dark bedroom and start on my homework that takes hours then pull out my music book even though I am exhausted at the moment. I revise and write a few things before I go to bed around 3 something which is nothing really too new for me.
I get down to the side of my ragged bed and say my prayers then get in the tough bed and get under the thin sheet and fall into a deep slumber.