Prophecy: Tome of Embers

17. Only in Your Hands

He didn't owe anybody anything. Even though Austin knew that, it didn't stop him from trying to do his best to help-a quality that Toby found heartwarming apparently. Today he was trying to help Cliff by talking to Nina, to see how things were coming along with her. Cliff of course knew nothing of Austin's plans, but strangely enough they had been in contact. In Austin's mind, Cliff was still one of them, and until the others realized that he felt it was his duty to keep him informed. Still, being one of them also meant that they looked out for each other, and that was what Austin was doing for him right then as he stood in the hospital waiting for Nina.

"It is you." Nina almost couldn't believe it when one of her coworkers had sought her out to tell her Austin was looking for her-it couldn't be. Now that she saw him though, she pulled him into a hug and looked over her shoulder to the nurse behind her, "I'm taking my break."

"I thought I'd come check on you," Austin supplied as she led him over to an area tucked away from the prying eyes of the public. It was strange to him how easy it seemed to go through the motions now, almost as if he were a living, breathing human being.

"I know why you're here. He sent you, didn't he?" It didn't take much for her to figure it out, even if she was only half right.

"No, not exactly," he paused, pursing his lips, "he doesn't know I'm here, but I won't lie, he is part of the reason I came."

"Save it, alright, just save it, I've heard everything I need to hear from him."

"He was just trying to save your life."

"How can you of all people sit there and say that to me? You could've died, I don't care that everything worked out, the fact is it could've happened and then your blood would be on my hands. Cliff knew that when he agreed to the trade."

"Wouldn't you have done the same thing? I get it, obviously, but I'm fine. You know exactly what Monica is capable of, you went through it firsthand, but you're still here, and even though you went through hell you didn't let it destroy you. You're strong, Nina, but so am I. I do get it, but it was a tough situation, if he hadn't made the trade then your blood would've been on his hands."

"At least that would've been his choice, there's comfort in that. Dignity. That's what he took from me, and I would've been the one who had to live with that guilt." Nina closed her eyes and shook her head, a pain growing at the front of her forehead from discussing the topic. "And no, I never would've done what he did. What would be the point?"

"You'd be alive." Austin didn't mean to diminish her feelings-he understood how real and tangible they were. Still, it wasn't so black and white. "Look, I'm not going to tell you to forgive him, but maybe you should try. You're doing a good job of hiding it, but I've been there, and I think you already feel bad enough without holding onto grudges. I'm here if you, you know, ever want to talk. I've sort of been in the same situation, I know what you're going through."

"It's not the same. I can still see it when I close my eyes, it's like I'm back in that place. I can't imagine what it must've been like for you, you went through so much worse for years, it makes what happened to me look like nothing." She paused, shivering a little because she knew it wasn't completely true, "I know I shouldn't be so tore up about it, it could've been a lot worse. Now I just want to focus on this, what's in front of me. Maybe it's not fair, but I need to move on."

"Pain is pain, taking any measure beyond that is just cruel. It is the same, but I guess I agree with moving forward." He stopped and gave her a sorted look, "that doesn't mean you have to stay mad forever. He loves you, you know."