Ever since I was little, I always believed that every rain drop was a tear shed by the previous humans that used to live on this world. Maybe that's why I feel so sad every time when it rains. They're sending their sorrows down on earth to remind us that it's alright to be sad. It's alright to harvest the crops and to jump in the puddles, possibly drenching your shoes and socks with water and having your mother yell out to stop purposely getting your little brother's pants wet. Or, maybe, as always, I'm just over-thinking. Mother always did say that I thought far beyond what really is. I wonder if she'd be disappointed in me now, just sitting here staring at the ocean with nothing but my thoughts and my favorite dress to accompany me with. She'd tell me to get inside too, since it's raining and I might get sick. I'm sure she's next to me right now, her head leaning on my shoulder and little Jacob in her lap; just like it always was. We always liked watching the motion of the waves returning to the shore line, one after one, or maybe the same wave making its mark on the graveled sand over and over just because it liked the taste of land. Who knows. It's just not the same, though. You know, enjoying this vast, underground world of blue and salt water. It'll never be the same.
It's funny, in a way. I always thought that my life would be the first to go within our small family. Jake, always lively and smiling with his left middle tooth missing, seemed like he had his whole life to smile that dorky smile and become an astronaut like he always wanted. Dreams die fast though. Especially after you watch your own mother walk into the ocean you always enjoyed watching, only to have her walk... and walk... and keep walking until her head was below the surface of the water. I wonder what he was thinking at the time. Did he really think that he could save her? I guess I could have helped him, too. Although, it's all too late now. Father had told me that mother was at her breaking point of her depression and had yelled at him minutes before she committed suicide. She couldn't handle his many affairs, the disrespect he had toward all of us, and feeling love that was never there. But what on earth was Jake thinking? He couldn't have possibly thought that he could have swam in there and bring her back to shore. He's so stupid. But then again, I am too. I shouldn't have slept early that night. All of what had happened that night, with my mother and brother leaving me, along with my father who packed his bags to head north, leaving me in this little shed of a home — no, not a home; somewhere to rest my head — really scarred me for life. Sometimes I wonder, "Why me? Why did everyone abandon me? Am I nothing?" But never mind the pity; I despise pity. Optimism is the way to go, and I'm just thankful that I'm living in this beautiful and crazy world. Also, in a sinful perspective, I'm glad my mother and brother left earth before I did. That way, I'd be the one left with unbearable sorrow and grief on my shoulders instead of them. They were too weak, after all. From what I accumulated anyway. Why I still have hope for the future and still find reasons to smile with a damaged heart, you might ask. It's a simple question. Why be sad when you can be happy? Reminds me of a particular someone I came across a while back. Oh, the memories.
It all started about twelve weeks ago. The morning greeted me with a summer breeze and a new day. Rubbing the eye crust from my eyes, I yawned, did my morning stretches, then quickly opened the shed's wretched door to the beautiful outside. Taking a step on the soft sand, I spread my arms wide, closed my eyes, and inhaled the sun's warmth as I listened to the breeze speak gently in my ears. I wanted to see if any seashells had made their way to land, so I walked swiftly near the water and rocks where I'm sitting now. It was here where I found my first pearl inside of a seashell. It was amazing, sparkling its white overcoat in the autumn sun. I tucked it in my short's pocket to keep it safe from losing. That was also the same day that my life would change for the better.
It seemed like just yesterday that I was out here venturing behind the cliff where the wild flowers hid. As I walked with the sand underneath my bare feet, soon to be between my toes, my body came to a halt. I heard an unfamiliar noise. My heart made an unsteady beat, and my body suddenly became stiff. I live hidden on the outskirts of the beach, where I haven't been in the presence of another human since the night father took his leave. Trying not to breathe heavily, I carefully listened to the strange noise coming from behind the cliff where my flower friends are gathered. Listening more attentively, it was as if someone was snoring. Had someone spent the night here? With squinted eyes, I peeked behind the cliff to find a dark figure laying down. Curiosity always got the best of me, so I approached the figure a little closer. It was a sloth. Its fur around its eyes was a very dark brown, while the rest of his body was a shade lighter. He was sleeping against what looked like a very uncomfortable rock. From what I could gather, he had spent the night here. His fur was extravagant in the sunlight, complimenting his highlights of brown. Barely realizing that I was there, the sloth slowly opened his eyes and began to stare at me. I stared back, wondering what he would do or say, or if he would do or say anything at all. Awkwardly, I shifted my eyes to the left, then to the right, then back at the sloth. He was still staring at me with the exact same expression of nothing on his face. I bit the inside of my lip, blushed out of shyness, and looked down. Why was he staring at me? I didn't really know what to think of this situation.
To break the uneasy tension, I smiled and squeaked out a "Hello."
No response.
"My name is Estrella. That's 'star' in Spanish. What might your name be?"
No response. Instead, I heard his stomach growl. Annoyed, he looked down at his stomach as if he had told it to not make any noise.
I giggled and asked kindly, "Would you like something to eat, hun? There are plenty of Cecropia trees around here. I can gather you up some leaves if you'd like."
The adorable creature looked up at me and tilted his head in confusion.
Assuming that response to my question was a "yes", I steadily got up and said, "I'll be right back."
I walked past the wild flowers into some Cecropia trees. Carefully, I gathered some leaves for my sloth friend and made sure they were all in good condition and acceptable to eat. I arrived at the same place where he was sleeping, but... I didn't see him. Calm and confused, I set the leaves where he once lay and walked around the cliff where my shed is.
Nothing.
Where did he go? As I ran toward my shed, I noticed on the right side of my eye that the sloth was far out in the distance, walking where the waves hit the sand. I steered in the direction where he was slowly walking and yelled out, "Hey! Sloth! Where are you going? Come back! I have fresh leaves for you to eat."
But the sloth continued to walk along the wet sand without any intention of turning back. So, with a hopeful mind set, I ran toward him. When I finally caught up with him, I stood in front of him. When I did, I noticed two things very quickly. One, he was pretty short for being a sloth. I'm about 5 feet, and he seemed about 5'3 or 5'4. The second thing I noticed were his eyes. As I looked up into his dark grey eyes and they wrote an expression of, "Leave me alone."
I asked quietly, "Where are you going?"
The very first thing that the sloth had said to me was, "Away from here."
A bit offended at his response, I asked a different question.
"Why?"
"I can't stay here and get too-," the sloth hesitated for a second and came up with a different response. "I'm a nomad. I don't have a home, and I'm constantly wandering. I just can't stay here. I'm sorry."
With that said, he continued to walk past me. Comprehending what his words meant, I stood in front of him again. I spoke softly.
"Don't worry. We can make a home together. Sure, I don't have much to offer, but it gets lonely wandering place to place without someone by your side, doesn't it? Stay with me. I live alone and your company would be very much appreciated." I smiled in hopes that he would stay with me. I noticed him thinking carefully on his decision to stay or not.
With a new attitude the sloth made out a convinced smile and asked, "Did you really gather me up some leaves?"
"Follow me," I said happily.
Together we walked to the cliff where we first met and started getting an insight on who we were. I told him about my past and how I look out to watch the ocean on a daily basis. He told me that he admires my strength as a little girl and that I have a lot going for me. No one's ever told me that before, and I knew right away that we were going to be great friends. He told me about all of the places that he's visited — Alaska being his favorite because of its cold temperature — and of the many people he's come across. It's weird because everyone whom he had mentioned always seemed to do him wrong, or leave him in the end. I wondered why. He seemed like a great sloth once you got to know him. Maybe it was his pessimistic attitude. I don't have any problem with it though, because I can understand that with all that he's been through why he would become such a reserved and independent fellow. I could also understand why he would try to leave me too.
About a month had gone by, and one night he finally had enough. We were both at the beach, the horizon beautiful in the sky, when we set up our own fire. I still remember. We were roasting shrimp, fish, and oysters. He seemed a little more down than usual on that night and I confronted him about it.
"Hey, Slexy." Slexy was the nickname I made up for him. "Is something wrong?"
Slexy was quiet, looking at the piece of shrimp on his end of the stick.
Then he looked up at me and said, "No. Why?"
"Oh. Well it's just that you're a little more quiet than usual. Did I do something?"
He responded rudely, "No. Don't worry about it. Just eat your food."
I was concerned. Did he want to eat something different? Was he finally getting tired of having me around after a month? My mind wandered into any possibility as of why he was feeling the way he's feeling. I stared at him. I guess he felt me staring at him because he looked up at me too.
"What?" he asked grimly.
"Please tell me what's wrong. Are you getting tired of me? Am I annoying you? Just tell me what's on your mind."
"Nothing! Stop asking me. Sometimes I just feel like dy-," he stopped talking.
"Dying?" I finished his sentence as a question.
"Nothing. Just stop. I shouldn't have stayed here this long. I got too attached to you. You're just going to leave me in the end like everyone else. I should go before I get any more attached and hurt."
He set his stick with the shrimp still on the end of it down on the ground.
As he stood up he sincerely told me, "Thank you. Thank you for letting me stay with you for the time being. But now it's time for me to go."
He headed toward the same direction he had the first time he took his leave and I had convinced him to stay with me. I set my stick down as well and walked by his side.
"Why are you doing this? You said you'd always be with me. You promised. Why are you leaving all of a sudden? Please don't leave. I'll be lonely; you'll be lonely," I pleaded.
He stopped walking. He turned his body toward me and gently placed his claws on my shoulders.
Looking in my eyes, he said to me in a helpless voice, "I can't take it anymore. I don't want you to ever see me like this. My mind is in a dark place right now and I just don't have time to concern you with my problems and with my ugly thoughts. Please, just let me go. Don't worry about me anymore. You won't be alone, because I'll always keep you safe in my heart. I... I just need to get away and gather myself. You can't help me. I'm sorry. Just let me go."
He set his arms to his side and looked down at me with sad, droopy eyes. Then he shamefully turned his head in the direction we were walking and let out a tiresome sigh.
I understand. I wouldn't want to get hurt either if all of the previous people left me nothing but disappointment and broken promises. It's a lousy shame, it really is. Why did those people have to ruin my only friendship? They ruined my best friend's mind into thinking that I'm the same as they are. No. I won't let him think that. Because each human; each creature is different from the next. But right now, it's not about me. It's about this lost creature in front of me. I have to prove to him that he's not alone. I have to prove to him that there's so much more to life and that it's worth living. Suddenly, I began to think of mother. No. Not Slexy too. I couldn't handle the weight. I'd break.
Trying to hold back the tears that I felt coming, I pulled out the pearl I had found the same day that I found Slexy.
"Slexy," I said.
He turned in my direction and looked at the pearl.
"What's that?"
"I found this pearl shortly before I found you. I thought to myself, 'This pearl is so beautiful and rare, and I never ever want to lose it'," I gave in to a faint smile. "Well, that's how I feel about you. I love you, and I seriously think that you're such a beautiful and magnificent creature. I'm truly thankful for all that you've done for me. Please don't leave me. I never want to lose out on an amazing friend such as yourself. Stay by my side. You know I'll always stay by your side too. My name means 'star', remember? So I'll be your star. As corny as it may seem, I'll be the star in your life and I will guide you. I'll be the light in your life. I'll be there for you always and forever. I'm here for you, love. Just don't leave. I don't want to be alone. You're the best thing that's happened to me aside from being born. Because if I was never born, I wouldn't have ever been blessed with meeting you. You're great and-," I stopped talking. There was a knot in my throat. My head felt heavy with overflowing thoughts and sorrowful memories.
Barely hearing my own voice, I hoarsely cried out, "I love you so much."
I looked down and crumbled right then and there. I began to laugh like a maniac. Call me crazy. I can't stand crying because I know my face looks so ugly. Just thinking about how silly I looked, I began to laugh some more. Slexy knew this, of course. He always told me that I was beautiful no matter what. Thinking of that too, I began to cry more and searched for air to breathe since I forgotten how to.
I hid my face in my hands.
Then I felt warm arms around my back and a soft chest to put my cheek on. Slexy hugged me and kept hushing me to stop crying. Feeling overwhelmingly warm, I tried not to cry anymore and began to steady my breathing.
I put my arms around my comforting friend and said to myself, "Please don't leave me here alone."
Unintentionally for him to hear, Slexy's response was, "I won't. Don't worry. Just stop crying. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Hush."
He petted my head and ever since that evening, I never once felt sad ever again. He eased my pain, and was always there for me to talk with. I guess he felt the same, because he opened up to me in a way I hadn't witnessed at all within a month of knowing each other. It was a nice feeling. You know, having someone to confine in and to completely be yourself around. It's crazy because sometimes you would never know that the people you would come across would become so important to you and that they'd have an impact in your life. Whether it be big or small, it truly is a blessing to be surrounded by the people that care and love you. As for me, I truly am lucky to have Slexy in my life. Sure, I've lost a lot in life, but Slexy gives me reassurance that it'll be alright. He's such a wonderful addition to my life-.
"Strella! What are you doing outside? Come inside. It's raining. Stop thinking too much and we'll play some cards or something. C'mon," Slexy shouted from inside the shed.
I guess it'll never be the same without my mother and brother here by my side. But I have a new friend, with new memories to make. Yup, optimism is the way to go. Even with a damaged heart, I believe people can still find reasons to smile whole heartily, no matter if the reason is large or small.
