A Story

7/22/16

3 days ago you told me to "fuck off." You've told me that before, but for some reason this time it felt different. I felt more hurt by it, more damaged. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I felt hopeless. I didn't want to fight back, but I thought the only way to get my point across was to scream nasty words right back at you.

That didn't solve anything.

So, I, as you put it, told on you. I told mom what you said and what you did. However, this ended up backfiring on both of us. She stood up for me, but tonight, she's leaving so she doesn't have to hear your voice for a few days. She tells me, "I'll be back before you know it," and I know that's true, but when she comes back she'll be distant. She'll be back but not here. So is she really telling the truth?

Why can't you just get along? 

However, since you blew up for the millionth time, you've been distant too. You are more closed off, sad, and quiet. When I get home I always see you in your room, not sleeping, just laying there. Mom tells me she's done playing games, mom always says this, that's why she never asks if you're okay anymore. She's become very selfish lately. 

Is that because of you? Me?

Sometimes I wonder if you actually feel bad, if maybe this time you realize that everything is falling apart and it's largely because of you. 

Most likely not though. 

All I want is to feel happy, for us all to be happy, but that's a wish I've had for years now and nothing has changed. 

So it probably never well.