I don't know yet whoops

Chapter One

AN: Hello! So thank you for reading, I hope you didn't read the tags. I had no idea when to end that, but yeah. Hope you enjoy it! Ps: no offence to anyone who actually liked Divergent, but really??? ??? ? ?? (i'm judging you)

Dying really is quite the curious affair. I mean, it's not every day you're stuffed into a room with, oh, thirty people, and told to shut up, right? Or is that school?

Probably fewer bullies and more murderers here, though. As a matter of fact, there were three murderers, eight thieves, seven gay people, sixteen non-believers, and six Sherlock watchers (it's technically not a sin, I just asked around in case I could make some friends.) Oh, and one person who actually liked the Divergent series (yep, they exist). Some people are a mixture of some of them, me included.

Me? Proud murderous gay atheist Sherlock watcher over here.

The demon who had told us to shut up was stood on a podium.

"I said shut up! Okay, welcome to Hell. I'm Rob and I am your friendly neighbourhood tour guide. Now, just to clarify some stuff. Hell is not torture, contrary to popular belief, but sin. Obviously you can't murder anyone, but homosexuality, fighting, drinking, swearing, etcetera just goes. However, this is a no-smoking area, because gross, and rape is a no-go. Even though God says it's okay, old Lucy has his limits. Stealing is also kind of pointless as no one really owns anything of value down here."

Rob ushered us through a rather convenient and enormous door and into a long, damp, drippy hallway. It was oddly cold, considering it was Hell.

"It only gets warmer from here, folks!" the friendly expositional demon yelled from the front of the line. I trailed at the back. I've never been one for conversation, unless it's about Sherlock.

We were led through corridor after corridor after corridor until finally we came to a gigantic black gate. It was in an utterly monumental room, with jagged red walls lit up by ornate black chandeliers. The chandeliers had black wax candles that emitted an oddly bright orange light. Behind the gate, demons and a few humans bustled about, apparently going about their daily business.

"Welcome to the Gate! Here you will be assigned to two demons who'll show you the ropes. I am deeply, deeply sorry to the one who gets Brendon," said Rob. Without another word of explanation, he hurried off to a largish building in front of the gate. He knocked on the door and said a few unintelligible words. A flood of demons came out, around seventy.

"Alright! Soo...David Mitkovich, you go with Lily and Patrick," Rob directed. A short, stocky man with a bushy beard was whisked away by a tall, imposing demon with a rather severe-looking dress on and another demon wearing a plain white T-shirt and oddly large horns. Perhaps he was compensating for something.

Rob kept reading out names, until every single other person in the room had been taken by some demons. There were only two demons left. One of them had huge, pink, sparkly horns and a red suit. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet. The other had a tutu on, and was looking at his partner unenthusiastically.

"Okay, last one. I assume you're Samantha? You're with Brendon and Marc. Uh, good luck. Brendon is...kind of a handful," Rob warned.

"Thanks. Um, what exactly—"

"Hel-LO!" interrupted the demon with the sparkly horns. "I'm Brendon, lovely to meet you. Can I call you Sammie?"

"Uhh, it's Sam." This...is not quite what I expected Hell to be like.

"Brendon, if we don't get our asses in gear Lucy will give you some bows to match those horns." The demon with the tutu stepped up to shake my hand. "I'm Marc, and I apologise in advance for Brendon."

"Sam. Uh, what..." I gesture towards the tutu.

He sighs. "Don't ask. All I can say is don't irritate Lucifer."