Spitballs

Historical Aliens

There's nothing I hate more than an alien who has respect for human history.

Aliens are, in general, nice enough, but, every once in a while, you get this weird one, an outlier, who's all...obsessed.

They come down here in their amazing ships and they dazzle everyone. But then, whenever we try to talk with them, all they want to know is about us, how we developed the car, why we chose red for stop signs, and a whole load of other stuff that, quite honestly, no one really cares about. Well, except for them.

Whenever we try to move things along, ask them about their home planets or try to establish trade routes or anything, they only seem to take even longer "discovering" our species.

It's just really annoying.

The worst case is when one of them likes earth so much they actually want to live on it. Permanently. Or sometimes, they just want to adopt our culture, stealing a bunch of our things. They're usually unimportant things, plants and water and the like, but sometimes they try to take something really meaningful. One guy tried to take the statue of liberty with him.

And that's only the beginning. We had this one alien, from somewhere in the delta quadrant, who actually wanted to become one of us. Yes, you heard that right, he wanted to become a human. He kept asking us again and again how he could "adopt our form" as he called it. Eventually, we had to tell him that just wasn't possible. Let's just say he didn't take that very well. Destroyed almost half the facility before we sedated him.

Honestly though, as far as space travel goes, I just don't think it's right to choose history nerds as astronauts.