Kill Me

Friends

So, probably not the topic you'd expect first, but i feel "inspired" . So, friends right???? Best friends forever, all that jazz. Well, hate to break it to ya', life has never been that sweet. Friends will come and go, as we all know, but i always find myself thinking: what are friends for? Whats the point in having them if you could always lose them? If you just dread seeing them sometimes? Maybe thats just me having shitty relationships, but seriously, ask yourself: why do you have your friends? Is there a purpose..? I find that sometimes its just emotional and responsibility weight that just ads on to the shitfuck that is life. You have to keep in touch, you have to force yourself to be nice and always ready to help, regardless if youre not. Cause otherwise: they just get mad.
Or just pester you into telling them whats wrong, even when you dont want to or just can't. You dont exactly want to piss them off by telling them they are the reason, do you?
They still get mad even if you keep quite, so i guess theres no winning. So, i repeat: emotional baggage.
You might be thinking: "but thats what friends are for!! They help you with your problems, even when youre just feeling down!!"
And that is when i tell you: you're wrong. Most of the time, they think of it as a responsability to help you feel better, as you might of them, and try to get out of it as much as possible, but expect the world from you when they feel bad, when all you can give them...is you. And you need "you" too, dont you? (3 "you"s in a frase waah)
Because you also dont feel very well, and you just need that shoulder to support you, that all. Even if for just a minute, even just a second...you need that shoulder. But they will not give it over, cause you are baggage to them. A responsability, just like them to you.
But being alone isnt the solution either. You feel empty, abandoned...you feel the air colder...you feel alone. That when you know for sure that you dont have anyone to rely on...and i suppose that scares us.
Well, i guess human beings are just social beings to begin with, so we cant help it. So i will continue to just try and rely on someone, with my unstable emotions and heavy bag of responsabilities, and follow in the same road as everyone else in fear of lonelyness.