Marauders Advice Column

Question from Severus Snape

Dear You Foul Beings,

Why do you pick on me so much? Are you just jealous that Evans is my friend? Or that I'm destined for greatness as a Slytherin? Or just because you have to make others feel bad about themselves so you can gain confidence?

From,
Severus

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Ewww! Snivilus sent us a letter! Remus, don't touch it! Its probably contaminated!

That's so rude! He can send us a letter, just like anyone else! You never specified who could and couldn't.

Okay, well, Snape, the reason we hate you is simply that you snivel too much.

That's not a good reason!

Also because you're a Slytherin, so you're evil. And as brave Gryffindor kids, we have to practice taking down the ugly evil guys.

I pick on him because James does.

You shouldn't do anything that James does, Peter. I learned that lesson.

Oh, and also, Evans hates you secretly. She just hangs out with you because she feels bad for you. But I heard her telling her real friends that she's gonna ditch you by next year so she can get her dignity back.

You heard no such thing, Sirius Orion Black! Don't you dare lie like that.

I think Evans should ditch him. Wait. Who's Evans?

Ummm. None other than my bride to be?

Dude, she hates you.

For now.........