Rain 》christian akridge

09

October 21st, 2013:

Christian:

I was spending the day with Michael Mancari today, he was my closest guy friend and I felt that I needed a break from Mel, not because I didn't want to see her but because all she'd do was talk about Wesley. Apparently they're "boyfriend and girlfriend" now.

"How are you dealing with that?" Asked Mike.

"I don't know I'm not good with feelings."

"Are you still writing?"

Mike knew I wrote songs, not because I told him but because his nosy self went through my stuff. Not even Melanie knows I write, it's something too personal. Also because she's the only thing I've written about for the past month.

"Yeah I'm still writing."

"And I assume you've been writing about her, so why don't you just sing her one of the songs to tell her how you feel?"

"I don't know Mancari."

"C'mon what do you have to lose?"

"I don't know just about everything. Our friendship could be lost because she'll know I feel more for her than just a friend."

"That's a lie even if she doesn't like you that way you guys will always be best friends."

"Fuck off Michael." I didn't mean to be too harsh but there's nothing more depressing than good advise; I don't want people telling me how to live my life.

He crossed his arms, "You know I'm right you're just being a pussy."

And so I let him go through some of the songs I wrote about Melanie with me so we can decide which one I should show her.

"I like this one." Mike said picking up one, he chose the one titled 'Confliction'.

I picked it up going through the lyrics.

"This one it is." I said, and we had it all planned out, I was going to tell her at the Halloween dance this Friday.

The next day I went over to Mel's house to ask her to come to the upcoming Fall dance with me, we always went to dances every year so of course she'd go.

I walked in her room and she was on the phone, she was laughing, "okay okay I gotta go, I'll call you later, bye baby."

I frowned.

"Hey Akridge."

"Hello."

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing I was gonna ask you to go to the Halloween dance with me. . ."

"Oh right, listen Christian I know we go every year together but this year I'm going with Wes, since you know he's my boyfriend."

"Yeah yeah ok cool. It's fine Kelsey wanted me to take her anyway."

"Ugh Kelsey, really?"

"What's wrong with Kelsey?" I asked.

"You can do so much better than her Christian."

"And you can do so much better than Wesley Tucker." I said and walked out her room to go home.

This is useless. She'll never know how I feel.

_______

Present:

It's raining again.

I'm expecting Melanie is gonna call me. I shouldn't answer. I can't do this.

But she's all I've been thinking about.

I hate it. I hate her for this. I hate myself for this. I can't believe I'm letting this person have so much control over me.

I sighed, it's 2 AM, I'm lying in my bed as headlights pass my window pane and I'm thinking of her. This is fucking pathetic.

I don't want to sleep because every time I close my eyes I see her. And even though the thought of her hurts, the image of her is even worse.

And my phone rung. . .

I knew who it was. I let it ring. And ring. I held my breath as it rang.

But I needed to breath and it wouldn't stop ringing, so I gave in and answered.

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"I just-" she started.

"What do you want Melanie?! What the hell could you possibly want from me? You miss me? You want to hear the sound of my voice? Well guess what me too! Yeah me too, and it fucking hurts. Because you walked out of my life, you made me feel so much pain, and then you expect me to just let you walk back in when it's getting better again? You're so selfish."

"And you don't think I was hurting either?"

"If you knew it was going to hurt why did you leave?"

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"You, I was scared you'd hate me, I was scared that if we did make up, you'd do to me what I did to you, and I didn't know how I'd cope with that. And I hated what I did to you, I thought you deserved better. I'm such a mess I'm sorry."

"So what do you expect now?" I asked.

"I just want to make you happy; but you have her and I have fucking nothing."