I've been trying to forget you
Trying to get away from sadness
But the dark thoughts
keep haunting me at night
But everytime I try to move on
You're right there.
I've been drinking the hell
out of my feelings
and smoking just to
punish myself for
letting you do that.
missing you was blue,
hell, it was
the darkest blue I've ever been.
And everytime a cigarette's in my mouth
I remember how
I used to get mad at you
for doing crap like this
I remember you telling me
"this shit ain't going to kill me"
And this is how
I burn my feelings,
this is how I drown
in my fucking thoughts,
because cigarette's ain't
going to kill me right?
Being drunk and
smoking the shit out of
my lungs like a homeless
whore won't get the light
out of my eyes.
I still have some questions
to ask you.
I wonder if you are crying
looking at me smoking
or if you're so mad at me
for doing so
What I do know is
That I fucking miss you by my side
and everytime
a cigarette touch my lips
your deteriorated self
haunts me
Your bald head
and your thick and rough breathing comes to my mind
Your chapped lips
and lost eyes reminds me
that what I'm doing
is wrong.
But then again, what else could go wrong in my life.
Nothing matters anymore
Behind my fucked up self
with a fake smile
plastered on my face
is the destroyed me,
fearing,
loosing.
I know drinking away the pain
ain't no good,
I also know the pain
will haunt me twenty for seven
if I don't.
Will you forgive me?
For giving shit about how am I screwing my life right now.
But I can't find any other way.
This is my way of saying
"yo cancer, fuck you".
But I failed you.
And the sun will riseagain
every morning
reminding me
I couldn't save you.
Reminding me
you're dead and
there's nothing else I can do.
Reminding me that there's no more "try again".
Being a party animal
isn't fun at all.
It's depressing.
But at least
it's something.
I don't even ask for happiness
Just a little less pain.
I'm sorry.
