Monster In Me

Violet - Monster

Is she right? Am I a monster, like her? I look just like her, what else did I inherit?

"What did she mean, they took me away from her to protect me?" I glance over to Charlie, and all I can see is the side of his face.

''I shouldn't have even taken you there. Just forget about it."

I feel my face start to burn with anger, and I nearly shout,

"Well, you took me there, and it's too late to ignore my questions now!"

He sighs, and it takes a moment before he replies,

"I guess you're right. Fine. First of all, her name is Melissa Grand, and she was only sixteen when she got pregnant with you. She has a mental illness, actually a few, and the doctors thought that if they took you away from her, you wouldn't be harmed. They put you up for adoption when you were really young, and Markus and I adopted you and loved you as our own. But when you were five, your mother decided to come out and kill anyone who was involved or who she blamed for you being taken away. She killed the nurse too, and I'm pretty sure I was next."

I think back to my friend Lily, how alike her and her mother are. They even have the same personalities. Am I crazy?

That night, I lay in my bed with my eyes wide open, unable to close them. The thoughts of the day are running through my head all at once. I begin to feel exhausted, but I refuse to fall asleep. Not with all of these unanswered questions. Despite the refusal, my eyelids start to close, and soon I'm falling into a sleep full of nightmares.

I am standing against a wall, and I can't see anything except for the darkness and the shadows. It seems that I am waiting for something. I'm not sure what. Then a man comes into my line of view, and my heart pumps faster from the excitement. I reach into a pocket, and I realize I'm wearing my black hoodie. I touch something, something smooth. It has a handle, and as my fingers rub further I feel something sharp. There's a knife in my pocket.

I open my eyes, and I am sweating everywhere. The blankets are hot against my body, and I kick them off until they fall onto the floor. I sit up in bed, and hug my knees to my chest, my breathing rapid and my heart nearly beating out of my rib cage. I AM a monster.

*****

That was the first I realized my fate, when I knew exactly who I was. Who I am. The same, horrible thing I had feared when I was five. A monster. I've grown used to the horrible thoughts, feelings, urges, and desires. The world is completely dark now. Nothing is the same. It never will be. All I know now, is that I have to finish what my mother has started.

I peek around the brick wall of the police station, watching the door and the people walking in and out, in and out. But none of those people are who I want. Who I'm waiting for. The alley behind the building is conjured up of garbage and smelly dumpsters. Of course there is an alleyway behind the police station, where he works. Perfect for me and my plan. So perfect.

I check my watch. Three o'clock. Almost time. I throw the black hood of my coat over my head, and I take off the black ski mask. I don't need it anymore. He should be the last one who comes out of that building. I know he takes this alley, it's a simple shortcut to the parking lot. I know, because I've been watching him. He has always thought I was in school, and he didn't know that the school thought I was at home sick.

I have to slow my breathing in order to not be heard as I see the familiar blue jacket when he walks out of that door. He'll be coming this way soon. I dash behind a nasty dumpster, and I look around it, careful to not be seen. I reach into my pocket, and graze the smooth blade of the kitchen knife. I grip the handle.

My eyes follow Charlie as he steps past the dumpster I was stationed behind, and I wait until he's deeper down the alleyway. Stalking quietly, I sneak up behind him. Then I jump onto his back, and he falls forward onto his face. I turn him over, so he can see me, so he can look me right in my eyes. He tries to scream, but I put my hand over his mouth, and press down until I can feel his teeth against his lips. I bring my mouth to his ear and whisper as I gently place the blade of the knife to his neck.

"Shh, it'll be okay daddy. There's nothing to be afraid of. There are no such things as monsters."