Friendship Memorial

 

        We all go through a stage in our lives where we are naïve and completely oblivious to anything and everything. For me, that stage felt like years ago. But as I look back, I realize how close it is to now.

Day after day, I expected something that I couldn't place a name for. I expected a friend— a true friend. And what did I get in replace of that? I got a fake. I got someone who cared nothing about me and my problems and trials. I was there for her, in her darkest days. Was she there for me, when I needed her? Not once.

I should've seen it coming. I should've noticed what was happening to her… And me. I should've given it more thought and believed those who reminded me of her actions. Of course, as afraid as I was, I did not allow myself to see those realities. All I saw was the friend I knew— the friend that I thought I knew anyway.

At one point, she had been my friend— my sister even. We were connected, the moment we met. When I met her, something in my life finally made sense. I knew what was expected of me and what having a close friend (like a sister) felt like. I felt happy for once in my life. I knew what it felt like to belong to someone, until him.

He changed us both. He stole my best friend from me. And the worst thing is that she hadn’t even realized that she had left me broken and alone. I thought she was there for me! I thought she was my friend. I thought I would finally have a chance to be different and to have that opportunity to be someone important. We were going to be each other's maids of honor. We were going to be the ones to plan each other's Sweet 16s! We were going to be best friends forever. Did it happen? Not even close.

The reason I still cry over everything that had happened is because I expected something far too impossible for her to accomplish: to be my friend. She forgot about me. I was lost in her mind. I was a stranger to her… She is a stranger to me…!

What gets me every single time is the way she lied straight to my face. She looked me right in the eye and lied. Do you know how that feels? It makes you feel worthless and incapable of everything! She left me for a boy and shattered my heart into a zillion, jagged and sharp pieces. And she didn’t even realize she had done it! And to add to that humiliation, I was cheated. I was pulverized. I wasn't just crushed; I was broken the way glass is when it slams the cement: shattered. Completely shattered.

The pain I felt for months was unbearable— is unbearable. For three years, I was tricked and stepped on and used. The agony I was in weighed me down. My heart had been torn apart by someone I thought I could trust and someone I thought was my best friend. I thought she was. I thought I knew her. I thought I would have her forever. No. If only I had seen what everyone else could see in her: fakeness. She was— is— a fake. And I have dumped my heart and soul into that friendship and nothing good came out of it… except the knowledge and truth of loss. Thankfully, it strengthened me.

As I come to an abrupt and evil end to this moment, I leave with a message. A message directed to the one who did this to me. And my final words to her are:

Dear Old Friend,

I can finally say that I have put down and left behind the pain you so surely caused me. Now that I have flooded this paper with the feelings holding me back from one happy moment, I am willing to let it go. I'm ready to let you go. I hope, with all my heart, that you take this story into consideration, as you grow, to never cause this terrible kind of agony to anyone else around you. You will be in my heart forever, as the young girl I once knew as my best friend, my sister. I will love you until the day I die despite the consistent, clenching heartache I have had to endure and have yet to experience involving our friendship.

Love,

A girl you once called your best friend.