The End

Chapter one.

          These silent night's are very painful. laying here in the dark, the sleeping pills I took don't help my racing thoughts. Tomorrow is my first day of school, at a new high school, a new town, new faces and people, New everything. I hate when my mother does this. I've moved from town to town. It's new boyfriend, new life. The only thing that doesn't change is my depression, that haunts me to every city, following me like a ghost.

       I jolt up, my hair stuck to my face and my cheeks wet. I had another nightmare, the same nightmare that's haunted me for decades.

            Sitting in my bed it takes me awhile to realize were I am.

          I take in the new house smell which smells of cigarettes and mildew. I take in the blank teal walls that scream for something to be hung up on them.

          I look around, seeing the clock I flop back down. Three in the morning. Four hours from now, I'll be surrounded by unfamiliar faces, New surroundings. I can feel my heart start to pound and my hands start to shake. The thought of being alone again scares me.                               

        My only friend, I think he was the only one that cared. I wish he was here right now, but he's back in Illinois Chicago and I'm here in stupid Temecula, California. I check my phone for any text messages from him, but there's none. This alone feeling eats away at me, the sun hasn't even rose and I'm already depressed.                                                             

          I look over at my nightstand, my spine tingles and I reach for the droor. The sudden urdge to make this pain disappear even for a little while, makes my heart races. Pulling out a little black box, Lifting the lid I find a small metal razor. It glints at me, pulling me towards it. I can hear it whisper to me, telling me that this will make the pain go away and I believe it. Picking it up I bring it to my wrist, applying pressure and watch as all my worries fade away into a deep red liquid. I make a thousand little cuts, some big and deep. I watch as the blood pours from my wrist dripping onto the floor. A silent tear rolls down my face. I hate feeling alone, more tears started rolling down my now wet cheeks.                                  

            Realizing I don't have my bandages, I get up and I quietly walk to my door, blood drips on the hardwood floors. They creak under my weight as I walk into the hall. It's dead silent. The bathroom is across from my room, I look around to see if anyone has woken. It's still quiet, I grab the bandages and a few other things and rush into my room closing the door behind me. I look at my phone, the screen lit to notify me I got a message. My heart stops for what seems like forever, could it be Jay.                                                                    

            I clean up first, cleaning the blood off of my floor; There's been more and more blood, more and more cuts. I can't stop this is the only thing that keeps me alive when I'm already dead, it reminds me that I'm still alive. I lay silently on my bed scared to answer his text, scared that he will stop being there for me, anxeity picks at my skin and I can feel myself go into a cold sweat, I'm not ready for any of this, not ready to make new friends, not ready to start over. Mother says this is the last time they're going to move, I don't believe her, she always makes promises she can't keep. 

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