Broken Brothers

Sam's Gone

One fact rings in Dean's mind as he drives. Sammy's gone. He left, telling Dean he's done with hunting, looking for the safe life he's always craved. Now what? Dean debates going to a bar, but the thought of liquor doesn't even sound appealing now. So Dean just drives the seven hours back to the bunker, back to Castiel.
When he finally pulls up to the door and walks back to the bunker he expects the formal angel to be asleep. It's three thirty in the morning after all. So he nearly takes out his knife when he hears his name.
"Dean, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow night."
"Yeah, well I'm here." He grumbled, brushing past the former angel and going to his room.
"Where's Sam?"
"Can you cool it with the questions, Cas? I just drove almost eight hours to get here and I'm tired."
"Dean, where is he?" Castiel pressed, putting his hand on Deans's shoulder so the man would turn to face him.
"He's gone, alright?" Dean's voice wavered "He doesn't want to hunt anymore."
"Oh God, Dean I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, well I'm not. It was his choice."
"Yes." Castiel nods "But surely he couldn't have made that decision because of you."
"Honestly, I'm not sure of anything anymore. Hey, you should get some sleep. Why were you even up?"
"You said you would call. I was waiting." He shrugged
"Well you look like crap. Go to bed." Dean ordered, wanting to get rid of his friend so he could think.
"Will you be okay?" Cas frowned
"What? Of course I'm okay." The moment Dean snapped at him, Castiel knew to let him be, at least until the morning. All he could hope was that the hunter would be open to talking then. So, Cas went off to his room, changed into a pair of pajama's that the Winchester's had bought him when he became human, and went to bed.

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Dean, who was far from okay, paced in his room for the next hour after Cas had left. He finally brushed his teeth and put on some pajamas just after five, then climbed into bed and under the covers. He had no intention of sleeping, however.  His head pounded, and all he wanted was to be able to wake up and find this all to have been a horrible, nightmare of a dream. But that wouldn't happen, because that never happened. Him and Sam, they had been through everything together. They were Winchesters, and bad stuff happened to them all the time. It would never end either. At least that was what Dean had assumed. That they would both be saving people, hunting things, doing the family business, until they were dead. And they would drag Bobby and Castiel and  Charlie and pretty much everyone they considered a friend into the life too because that was just how it worked. It made sense. Dean didn't ask questions, until the ones he loved were dead and gone. And then, he'd find a way to work it out in his head, to twist the truth so he didn't feel like it was his fault. So why should Dean get so upset about Sam leaving again? It would be safer for him, that was for sure. That was the important thing, right? That his little brother was safe? He had always known since he was four, that no matter what he had to take care of Sammy. So why was he being so selfish? Wanting his brother to be by his side, in the danger, almost getting killed every single day. That was wrong, but at the same time it was right. They belonged to this life, and Dean knew it. There was no "getting out." Dean knew that too. He hoped his brother would come to realize it soon, and come back. Because really, life wasn't so bad when they all had each other.
Dean Winchester finally fell asleep early that morning, even though he tossed and turned, all as the events of that night played in his head.