Courage

7| fall

The fall ain't scary.

It is nothing.

Compared to the nightmares, the anxiety attack, the bullshits and my entire freaking life, falling from the building seem like a far better deal to me.

*

They say that life is worth living? But is it really true when you are a worthless piece of shit? Life is beautiful but I can't embrace the beauty of it.

To some, suicide might be the coward way of escaping the reality, but it's not. People only choose suicide when the pain becomes unbearable. It is difficult. It is so difficult to drag that blade across your wrists. To me, it is so courageous.

Death isn't a black and white thing. It's more of a grey ocean. You drown and drown inside. When the water rushed into your lungs and you can't breath, you struggled so much to stay afloat, to not sink. You tried to goddamn hard to swim. Yet, it just swallows you. When you finally can stand it and just embrace it, you sink. The feeling of sinking is not necessary a bad one. After you are numb to all this, it is easy.

*
Everything passed by in a blur.

It's rather amusing to see everything in an opposite way.

The fall is quite relaxing. I can feel my tense body relaxing itself.

The wind baring itself against my face felt sharp.

Screams.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Shouts.

The collision came as soon as the fall did.

"But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself."

All of you cared, but no one cared enough to see past my mask.