Keep Holding On

Chapter 4

Picture of April --------------->

It’s been about a month since those rumors started about me and they’re only just starting to die down.  I’m amazed at how long people can keep the gossip going.  Even I’ve basically forgotten about that weekend, why can’t anybody else? 

For a week or so now, I’ve had the worst nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something.  I just can’t for the life of me figure out what it is.  I’ve checked my car’s oil, in case my mind is warning me that it might be low, I’ve check with all of my teachers to see if I’m missing any assignments, but I’m not.  I’ve even talked to my parents to see if they wanted me to do something that I forgot about, but they just gave me weird looks and told me to get some sleep. 

“Hey Boo.”  Haley says, walking up behind me and linking my arm with hers, “I need a favor.”  She whispers, looking around to make sure that nobody’s looking.

“Okay…”  I say warily, looking around too.

“I left my tampons at home today and I really need some quarters to get some from the damn machine.” She whispers.  I grin, Haley hates talking about feminine products.  I think it’s because her mom acts as though a period is the devil’s curse on women. 

“Yeah, sure, I have some in m…”  I trail off, realization crashing down on me.  “Oh god no.”  I whisper before running to the bathroom.  Inside, I throw my backpack to the side and cup my head in my hands as I begin to pace.

“Elle, what’s wrong?!”  Haley asks worriedly. 

With tears in my eyes, I look up at her pleadingly.  “If I ask you to do me a favor, can you just not ask any questions?”  I ask.

She nods quickly and I begin digging through my bag to hand her some money, “I need you to go to the store and buy me an EPT.”  I say with a shaky whisper.

Her eyes widen and look down to my stomach before taking the bill and running out.  I sit in the bathroom for the next twenty minutes biting my fingernails.  If I’m pregnant, I’m so fucked.  I’m in my junior year of high school, what the hell am I going to do with a kid?  Maybe I’m just having an odd month.  It’s happened in the past.  Yes, I’m sure that’s what this is.  Just and off month. 

Haley comes running in with a brown paper bag in her hand.  She hands it to me with shaking fingers, “Are you sure you want to do it here?”  She asks.  I nod, “My mom is home all the time, she’s way more likely to figure it out if I do it at home.”  I say and I go into the stall.  I have no idea what to do with one of these things so I read the directions on the back. 

1.        Hold in urine stream for five seconds only.

The directions continue on about the length of time to wait, but I’ll get there later.  I’ve never had to pee on anything before, so it’s one of the more awkward things I’ve done in my life.  Once I’m finished, I exit the stall and read the directions again.  ‘a flashing hourglass is shown on the Display demonstrating that the test is working correctly.  Within three minutes, the test will stop flashing and the result will appear.’

“In three minutes, my life could change forever.”  I mumble to Haley who’s standing nervously beside me.

She pulls me into a hug and rubs my back, “No matter what happens, you’ve got so many friends and family who will stand by your side.”  She whispers.

I shake my head, “I’m only seventeen years old!  How could I have let this happen?”  I ask, crying. 

“Okay, I realize that abstinence is the only surefire way not to get pregnant, but you were a virgin who used a condom.  The odds were stacked against you, so if there really is a baby inside of you, it was meant to happen, Ellie.”  Even though her words are those of encouragement, she looks about as scared as I am.