I was thinking about RAD. Her foot injury was a horrible news to her fans much more to the people who adores and loves her so, people like me. I was just thinking about RAD on what would happen to her. Will she be able to get back in the league? Will she be able to play for the FIVB? These are just some of the thoughts running through my mind.
But then your beautiful face with those hypnotizing eyes and attractive dimples suddenly appeared on my screen of thought. Why does every thought in my head relates to you? What's even worse was the thought of you having someone special in your life. I don't care who he is, what he does or where he is from. I don't mind either that you didn't tell me or you won't tell me nor the fact that you choose to forget that we're still friends and the promises we made like telling each other everything or having each other's back wasn't worth keeping anymore.
What bothered me most, was the feeling that hit me hard after that was unraveled before me.
Honestly, my heart hurts so much that night and the night after that, I cried so hard that I almost stopped breathing. Even I could not believe how much that revelation really affected me. I thought I was moving on from you. But I was so freakin' wrong.
I know that you'll find someone eventually even though you told me that your family was your priority or was what I convinced myself to think.
I should have known that a lady like you, so much intelligence, beauty and humor, all in one package, could be someone's perfect girl, sooner or later.
I have to admit I envied the guy you are with right now. Heck! I got more jealous of him than your ex 'cause I know that guys in your area right now had the biggest egos and I am praying and hoping that your bf was not one of them.
I still get those sleepless nights when I just randomly thought of you or anything that relates to you, like Wattpad. It is in Wattpad that I get to read stories that I could relate and every story relating to the main character falling for the best friend was my best picks and those lead me back to you.
How about Snickers? I gave you snickers when I was giving you your fave sweets as part of my birthday present to you for 18 days till your birthday. Also, I won a box of Snickers at our friend's wedding where we got to spend time together with some of our closest friends.
I can relate almost anything to you. And that's a big worry to me. I can't move on from you. Even though we have not even been together. I fell for you so hard that I can't get back up anymore.
I remembered that you and your guy was already going steady for 2-3 years. So I guess a wedding could be expected soon. I have to assume that that will eventually happen. Then my crazy mind started thinking crazy again. I get this picture of me running away to wherever just to get away, not from you but from the hurt that I will be feeling. The idea of you living happily ever after makes me happy for you while I'm dying little by little inside.
I would then have this urge to be lost and don't want to be found. It's like I don't want to see you happy with him and I know that that would be the most selfish that I would do. I have to. It may didn't work the last time with your ex but at least I tried and I will try again. And maybe this time, I might succeed. I can see myself running away to a place that is far from here. A place where there won't be a single drop of your memory to remind me of. I have to move on from you. I have to forget you even if it means losing this friendship, or else these unwanted thoughts may finally overpower me and will force me to do the things that I will eventually regret for the rest of my life. All just because I got hurt so much for falling so hard in love for my then best friend, who can't love me back.
Sometimes, I question myself why did we have to be friends in the first place? Why did we have to meet? Why of all people did I have to fall for you? Why do I have to feel this god-forsaken love? Why??
If loving you caused me so much pain then I should have not loved at all. Damn.
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