Safety

Chapter 17

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Soundtrack

Alice - Avril Lavigne
I found myself back in Wonderland
Get back on my feet again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?

Breathe (2 am) - Anna Nalick
No one can find
The rewind button girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe

***

My palms are sweaty gripping the steering wheel as I pull into the barn Thursday afternoon.

For once, my nerves have nothing to do with the boys who live here.

Today, all of my anxious energy is focused on the fact that Alice has a date with the vet today. The fact that the good ol' doctor will come out and tell us if all of our efforts have been successful, if Alley-cat will ever be ridden again, if her leg will be a constant source of pain for her. Though she's been in my life just over a month, she already owns a piece of my heart and I hate the idea of any hurt befalling her.

After parking my car, I make my way towards her stall. At the sound of my footsteps coming down the aisle way, she pokes out her head, whinnying when she identifies me as the source of the noise.

"Hey, girl," I greet, gently running my fingertips over the outline of her cheek. She presses against my hand, her eyelids drooping lazily.

I wait rather impatiently for the vet to arrive, fussing over her tangled mane in an attempt to calm my nerves. When Dr. Pond does arrive, I've managed to brush out all of the knots, and complete a pretty decent running braid.

"Nice to see you again, Ms. Adams," he greets as I step out of the mare's stall.

"Same to you," I reply, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Dr. Pond! I thought I recognized your truck," Marilyn greets, leading Lavender back to her stall. "Here to see Alice?"

As they begin to chat, I turn my attention back to Alice, watching as her ears flicker back and forth, as if following the conversations.

Just over a month ago, being this near to people would have thrown her into a panic, but today, her almost lazy demeanor shows no sign of distress, only of mild curiosity. It's like she's a completely different horse.

I stay off to the side as Dr. Pond examines her, letting my mind wander.

In the end, my nerves are uncalled for, and Alice receives a clean bill of health. The relief must be apparent on my face, because both Marilyn and Dr. Pond have a chuckle at my expense.

Normally, I'd be mildly peeved.

Today, however, I am much too relieved to feel anything but completely happy.

I'm in such a good mood, in fact, that I decide to test my luck at saddling Alice, despite my full expectation that she'll refuse it like she has every time before.

But she doesn't.

For some unknown reason, she doesn't shy away when I do up her girth. She doesn't panic at the presence of the saddle.

For a moment, I stand beside her motionless, shocked and in awe.

I decide to lunge her to allow her to get used to the feeling, and urge her to get along the rail after shaking myself from my stupor.

The thought occurs to me that, perhaps she'd refused it every time before because she was afraid of allowing herself hope that she could get better.