Dear Diary

Entry 2

Dear Diary,

                    I really did not expect some one to comment on this story what-so-ever. But you amazing people motivated me to write another chapter. I don't know what to write about really but currently I am watching Pokémon XYZ. Does anyone else hate the new Pokémon Go game? I tried it and it has horrible graphics. When I tried to put in a name for myself, it kept saying invalid name. I was just like 'seriously, do you know me? No! how do you know if my name is invalid?' so after a few tries of getting my name I just uninstalled it.

              Hmm what else should I talk about? OH! I am currently talking to a gay guy on Snapchat. He knows about me being trans and he says and I quote, "It's what's on the inside that counts, to me your a dude."  It was the cutest thing ever, but I couldn't be with him if I wanted. He's 3 years older than me. >.< It sucks. I have to keep reminding myself that he doesn't like me like that. He likes me as a friend.

                      Any who, Phantump is so kawaii. My cousin calls me a weaboo but he can go screw himself^.^.  If I like all things Japanese then I am allowed to like all things Japanese. He likes anime too so he's just a hypocrite. He's dating my best friend Ansleigh. I didn't tell you last chapter, but I am not allowed to talk to her for a while because her mum thinks I'm crazy. Let me tell you what happened. I was diagnosed with depression at age 7-8 I don't really know but one of those though.

          Blah blah dad on drug, he left, blah blah got a crazy step mom, and half brother. Crazy step mom cuts wrists, cuts baby brothers (when he was 3 now he's 4 and I haven't seen him in almost 3 years), dad leaves her. More crappy things. Lost my first best friend Libby because I went through a I-think-I-like-girls phase. Well turns out her mum and dad are homophobes. Did I mention I hate anything 'phobe'.  Haven't talked to her in2 years because her mum took her out of school and off social media. And I started cutting my wrists. And eventually my thighs too.

        Lost my second best friend. I won't even go into detail. Dated an 18 year old. He graduated and I was the side girl in his relationship with another. Now I am losing my Bestest friend in the whole wide world. All because my therapist put me on an suicide-prone medicine. I took 15 pills and was put in the hospital. I didn't want to die, but after a few weeks of taking it suicidal thoughts got 100000x times worse. I was taken off the medicine and I started taking herbs like St. John's Wort and Magnesium.

        Ansleigh's mum told my mum that they needed some time together. (Her self harm) After 2 months, which is now, my weaboo cousin Chad told me that he and Ansleigh had been texting. It broke my heart to come to the conclusion that her mum didn't want her talking to me. I guess I should mention I asked Ansleigh to kill herself so I don't blame her mum.. I hate that stupid medicine it ruined my friendship in the course of 3-4 weeks, and I ate myself because I let it.

       So I have 10 days before school starts and I will hopefully see her, not even talk, I just want to see her alive and okay. I don't think it's best to talk to her for a while so I may not. Today my family is taking us school shopping so in a few paragraphs I will have to get off here and leave.  

      If any of you reading take medicine for depression that starts with Z or X tell your family, or if you grown just stop, to get you off it. Since I have been in the hospital at least 4 family friends have committed suicide because of it. I will find out the name of the medicine and tell you next update. DON'T TAKE DEPRESSION MEDS. Go to Walmart and get St. John's Wort and Magnesium they make you feel happy and energetic and it's all healthy herbs not addicting drugs.

          Please learn from my screwed up excuse for a life and heed my warning because I love all of you guys and I don't want you to commit to anything other than a new year's resolution or relationship. Bye guys. I love you<3