First Sergeant Lovato

Chapter Four

It sounded good in theory, enjoy my last day here with Devonne before I left. But when I broke that down in my head, it ultimately equated to an hour or so for breakfast before she went to work, and then a few hours after she got off work.

I'd felt this way before, the emotions were so familiar like some kind of twisted deja vu. It only took me a few moments to realize why. This was the same way I felt the last night before graduation in basic, when we'd slept in her office so as to maximize our time together. And I knew then, that it wouldn't be enough, and I knew now, that today wouldn't be enough.

This would be something that would be in the back of my mind for the rest of my deployment, I knew. I'd wonder about her every day now. Maybe it would have been better if I never ran into her, I was gonna be so distracted now and I knew it. It wasn't like I could just request to go home or something, that's not how deployments worked. 'Excuse me sir, I need to go back to the United States, I don't feel well'.

It sounded so storybook to say we'd keep in touch and everything would work out and we wouldn't lose each other again. But it had happened once before, what's to say it wouldn't happen again?

"Sel, you okay?" She interrupted my thought pattern.

I nodded quickly. "Yeah... yeah. I'm fine. Just... thinking."

She chuckled. "You need to stop thinking so much. I don't want you to be in la la land for the rest of the day, it'll be hard to communicate like that."

"Right." I attempted a genuine smile.

"Let's go get some chow."

We sat in the corner of the DFAC, away from everyone, or at least until the place filled up in the next hour. This allowed us to talk somewhat personally, since there weren't many people within earshot of us.

"So, do you wanna spend the day with me in the office? You know, until you have to do your head count of your soldiers in the afternoon and stuff?" She asked me, after a few moments of silence.

I was trying so hard, I promise, to ignore the thoughts in my head. But it just wouldn't go away, and it almost made me want to break down crying right here in front of everyone. I just wanted to enjoy this last day and think about all this negative shit after I left. Was that too much to ask, brain?

"Sure." I responded briefly, again attempting a smile.

She looked at me like she was studying me. "What's wrong? Still thinking, huh? Cut that shit out. You'll have plenty of time for that once you leave. I'm not gonna be here forever, you know?"

I could tell by the tone of her voice she was a little hurt. I couldn't blame her. Here she was trying to make conversation and I was just staring blankly not saying much.

She had said earlier she didn't want to spend our last day talking about the future, and I didn't want to either. But my thoughts were betraying the hell out of me.

"I know, I'm sorry..." I apologized, not knowing what else to say.

How fucking awkward. Why had things changed so much this morning from last night? I was barely thinking about this stuff last night.

She sighed. "Listen, I'm thinking about it too. But I'm trying to put it to the side, as you should be doing also. We can sit here thinking about it all we want, all it's doing is passing time and not accomplishing anything, you're still leaving tonight. I don't want you to, I know you don't want to either. But it's the way it goes, Sel."

Even though there wasn't anyone that was around to hear our conversation, I was still surprised she used my nickname so casually in public like that.