Dark Days

You're only the one's I can trust

Guys, I want to die. Why am I even alive? My cousins said that "Why am I even alive?". If they only knew what I've been through. My mom is always telling me to be number one. I couldn't do what she wants. My papa is always arguing with her, he said this is what's good for our children. Because of arguments, they broke. They didn't divorce, they just don't bother each other anymore. For now, my siblings are living with my mother while I'm living with my father. I'm always left alone in the house. My father is always busy with his business. That's where I've got addicted to anime. My only friends are songs. I express my feelings by writing poems.

When I'm in school, because I miss my brother and sister after classes I always go to my siblings house. It's near from school. That's why there's no arguments between us siblings. I've done this for months but one day, when I got home from school my dad asked me, "Are you seeing your mother?". I've froze at that moment, he noticed it then confessed to me that he followed me once. I cried when I heard him said that. I don't want to hurt papa because of mama. Then he said "Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. I just don't want you to lie to me ,okay?". After he said that, I've calmed down. After that conversation, I promised myself to not lie to papa anymore

When our graduation was nearing, that's where the problem started again. My papa said that I should start my highschool at the city so I have better chances to get a good job when I will graduate college. But my mom wants to see me so she said that I should study here near our home

But in the end, I end up studying here at the city, because that's what papa wants. At that time, I hated my mama for a bit because she use things to convince me. She said she'll give me her laptap if I'll study here but I didn't accept it because papa said "Follow your heart on what it wants. You don't need to push yourself on what other's want". Papa will always show me a genuine smile. He always support me on what I want. At our graduation, he gave me a picture frame with a picture of Free! (Anime). That frame is also blue, my favorite color. Well my mama support me too because she always gave me anime merchandise. My favorite one was the orange picture frame with Little Busters puzzle. I brought those important things to me so I can remember the times I had together with my family. When I started to live here in the city, they often call me. I was glad that they still remember me but while time pass they rarely call me

Today my cousins tell me all what they want to tell me. They say "Why are you even alive?". I cried and cried that moment then I tried to text my father and other family relatives to tell them that my cousins are hurting me, but no one answered. I continued to text them then the time came when I can't reply to them anymore. My papa texted, I'm so glad at that but I'm sad too because I couldn't reply to him anymore. I felt like I want to die at that moment. I have no inspiration, no friends, nobody.......................... I don't know what to do anymore

What's the significance of my birth anyway????