Sacrificing Love for the Drug?

Incest at its Finest

Kehlani POV

I thought things were bad then but things are even worse now. My drug addiction is becoming worse by the day. It started off as a little something to keep me calm in situations. My best friend Draya got me hooked on this stuff. This stuff has gotten me a little too chill. I don't know how she is going to take it when she finds out I had sex with her man and might possibly be pregnant.

When I was a little girl I used to get raped by my older brother King. He is about 5 years older than me. It was obvious he was off. He never did well in school, hardly could make friends, took him a couple hours to catch on to something that happened hours ago, and it was just hard for him. Things got worse when my parents got divorced. My parents split and the judge thought it was best that we go with my mother.

My mom was a stay at home mom while my dad did all the hard work so when they got divorced we had no where to go. He was the bread winner. The nice houses and the nice cars all gone. My dad was supposed to pay child support and alimony. That never happened because he ran off and joined some no good gang.

All the responsibility was on my mom. She became a stripper bringing in just enough to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. The luxury lifestyle that my family was so used to turned into the struggle.

This made things hard on King so I found him a girlfriend. He got with the girl treated her right and then when she wanted to break up he started to beat her and threaten her if she left. I didn't blame her for wanting to leave because my brother was a lot to handle. After taking his medicine  he would come to his senses. He would be back to reality and face the real world. He would realize all his wrong doings. To relieve the stress he would come in my room at night when my mother was at home and take my underwear off. In this world of sin all he had was God, Myself, my mother and his girlfriend.

I never understood what he was doing until my mom and I had the birds and the bees conversation. She use to always say "keep a lock on the pocketbook" little did she know her own son, my own brother, was going in my pocketbook.

After I got my first cycle I knew my brother and I had to stop doing the nasty. Don't get me wrong, I was never into it but I allowed him to do it. I felt bad for him. He had to walk around being teased, had no friends until people used him for their own benefits then disappeared, his male role model walked out and so much more.

All this pain he had to go through and I just couldn't tell my mom I was pregnant with her sons baby. It was hidden from my mom for a couple days until I couldn't take it anymore. When I told her of course she was furious. She cussed me out and beat me and told me I had to kill the baby. When she asked who the baby father was of course I couldn't tell her so I blamed it on my ride or die.

I blamed it on my boyfriend Tyrese. That's Ka'Liyah and Kyland's father. He was a true gentlemen and took the blame and even got in trouble by his own mother. I mean we were only in ninth grade.

I killed the baby and me killing that baby still haunts me to this day. Seeing Kyland and Ka'Liyah grow up caused me to do drugs. When I see them I think of that sibling that they once could've had. Never got the chance to know if it was a boy or girl. Never got the chance to hold it. Never got the chance to kiss it or hold it. Never got that chance to tell the baby that I loved him or her. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be on this earth.

I cheated on my husband and never told him and he took the blame for me through all these years. I'm lying to a drug dealer about his money. I might be pregnant with another man's baby. I killed the baby I once had before.