Life is Hard

Being a nobody is hard, but being a somebody everyone hates for no reason is worse.

I get tormented every day because I act differently, I dress differently, and I think differently.

I walk down the halls to hear a sea of whispers tormenting me, crushing me from the inside. Do they care that I’m breaking? That I cry a river of tears every night to the lullaby of their voices? No. In fact, they would enjoy it if they knew.

My name is Jennifer, also known as Jen. I’m just starting grade 12 in a small school in the heart of Toronto. I guess this whole bullying thing started in the middle of grade 10. I thought it was okay to like the same gender, everyone else thought otherwise.

Today seems just like any other day, except it will be different. I’m tired of being stepped on like a doormat. I need someone there for the real me, being alone is too hard.

Today, when I get home, I am going to come out of the closet to my parents. I know, I know, I should have told them sooner, and I was going to, but the reaction from the kids in school discouraged me.

But before all that happens, I need to get through the day.

So here I am, on a lovely Friday morning outside the doors of death some people call high school.

Taking a deep breath, I open the doors and start to walk down the hall to my locker. Trying to block out the whispers. Sometimes they aren’t even whispers, they’re louder, the words stronger.

When I get to my locker I find about 50 sticky notes, each with a word telling me how much of a bad person I am.

I know that if I take them down, more will be there tomorrow, so really there is no point.

Although, when I open my locker, a sticky note falls out with the word

“Beautiful”

Looking up in surprise I look around. Could this be someone’s twisted idea of a joke?

Actually, knowing this school, probably

Never the less, I fold the note and put it in my binder. Even if it’s a fake, it’s still nice to be reminded that maybe, somewhere, someone will accept me. That’s the only thing keeping me moving forward.

The rest of the day passed by with nothing exiting but spit balls, crumpled up pieces with names made by the devil, being kicked, tripped and laughed at.

As soon as the last bell rang, I bolted. Wanting to be as far away from this place as China.

I was almost at my locker when the books I was holding where suddenly on the floor. I felt a bush on my back causing me to stumble. Then I heard “Pick it up dog” and laughter.

Everyone laughed harder when I got on all fours to pick them up, keeping my head bowed.

I was so focused on picking up my books; I didn’t notice everyone had stopped their laughter.

I only noticed when a hand was in front of my face with the rest of my things. I looked to the face of this girl. She has deep brown eyes, a small button nose, thin pink lips and short brown hair.

I was so shocked she helped me out I couldn’t say thanks before she walked away.

I quickly put my things in my bag then hightailed out of there.

Time went by slowly in my eyes, but soon it was time for dinner.

It was just my mom, dad and I. My older brother left for collage two years ago.