Fell Asleep But Never Woke

She fell asleep, never woke

I've been having those thoughts again tonight. I often have these thoughts but not as bad tonight. I don't get much sleep because I lay awake at night thinking of how many people made it look so easy when they walked out of my life, and of how worthless I must be if they can just pick up and go.

There are these days and nights I think about cutting, of how much it hurts to feel the cold metal blade slowly but deeply slicing my skin then to watch the blood run off my arm or leg, how the pain feels every second, but the pain isn't bad. To me it feels good.

When I do this to myself I feel like I have this need to just disappear. I've even put myself in the hospital. As I think about how worthless pathetic stupid fat and ugly I am. I know why I am so alone.

So tonight I wasn't able to sleep. And my depression was really bad. So I took five sleeping pills and here I am writing this. I don't know why. So goodbye if I die. Sorry I couldn't fight. I've lost the battle of life. But it's okay someone always has to be a loser in that case I guess it's me.

-Lilai_21