Love to Hate You

Chapter Nineteen

It turns out A.J.’s tattoo is the f-bomb in big sold black letters. He never told me what the tattoo was, just that he got one, but honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. My mom, on the other hand, almost keeled over and died when he removed his shirt to show her the ink work on his left shoulder. He’s lucky he’s over eighteen otherwise she would have grounded him for life. But, even though she can’t technically ground him anymore, she did give him the most disgusted look I’ve ever seen cross her pretty features. Not to mention the whole thing has her worked up and she hasn’t even talked to me yet.

Way to go, A.J., way to go.

The sourness still has my mother’s lips pursed and her eyes narrowed to slits as she leads me to her and my father’s bedroom. It’s a rare thing to be allowed into my mother’s sanctuary and is only used when she wants to have a serious talk. I can already foresee every bad thing that could go wrong here.

The door clicks shut behind her and she motions for me to sit on the edge of the bed, which I do hesitantly, watching her with interest as she crosses the room to lean against her vanity. The pinched look to her face softens and she sighs, her hands coming up to push her thick bangs from her forehead, her head shaking.

Confused by the weak, fragileness to her composure, I sit there awkwardly, my teeth chewing on my bottom lip.

“I’m not even mad,” she says between a light laugh and crosses her arms, her eyes stare somewhere else and a faint smile ghosts over her face.

I blink multiple times, like I hadn’t heard her right. I couldn’t have. Mom? Not mad about something like this? Not mad about anything at all?

“It’s high school,” she shrugs, “it’s a learning experience.” And then she sits in silence for a few moments before adding, “and A.J.’s tattoo is…going to be regrettable in the future,” she says with a face that suggests she’s trying not to laugh.

“B-but back there you just—huh?” I stammer, pinching my wrist where it sits in my lap to make sure I’m not dreaming. This is not what I was expecting at all.

Her eyes refocus onto me and she shrugs again, this time raising them higher and then letting them fall heavily.

“You guys are growing up and I’m done fighting with you. I’m starting to realize that the stricter I get, the sneakier you become. That’s not how it should be, but that’s how it is. Don’t get me wrong, there are boundaries, but I can’t stop A.J. from doing what he wants. He’s a grown boy, an adult…kind of. And you, you’re independent and stubborn and you prefer to learn from experience. So, I’m letting you.”

She looks anywhere but at me as she explains this and I’m staring at her like I don’t believe anything she’s saying. How can I? This woman has been hard on me since I was born. She’s had my life planned out for me since day one. Now, all of a sudden she’s letting go? This doesn’t make any sense.

“I can do what I want?” I ask with disbelief.

“Within reason,” she says quickly, her eyes flickering over to meet mine. They’re almost pleading, begging me not to screw up with my new freedom. Now, I understand she only wants what’s best for me.

“So, the Heartbreakers, Justin, everything…It’s all good now?”

There is a second of brief hesitation before she nods, the motion slow, looking painful.

“What if I wanted to borrow the car, or re-dye my hair,” I ask, the whole while she’s nodding, but she stops when I pause, waiting for me to continue. Gulping nervously, I lock our eyes before I say the next part, “or sing as a career?”