Like Gold (ON HOLD)

Chapter Four

Dear Sianna,

The ones who have been hurt the most are the most wise. I heard this from someone and thought how am I so stupid? I always seemed to say the wrong things and do the wrong things but I have gone through so much. I wonder if I'm the only one who asks this. I always wait for that moment that everything clicks into place but it seems so far away but close enough to see, a tease, such a tease.

I always seem to complain but there's nobody to talk to out here. All I hear is the still woods and have grown used to the sights and smells. Bland and dull this has become. I used to explore the woods finding it interesting. I would write endlessly read until I could hear the characters voices but now I have lost interest.

I become frustrated with myself. How could I not have a drop of passion for things I have done since I could remember. I have not regained this love but I will wait and wait. You are the only thing I have passion and love for and this is what keeps me writing.

I find this nothing but a glum blur of misery that seems like my life now, nothing spontaneous no spark but a flat endless line. It makes me wonder how I did this for so long and now can't stand it for a short period of time. It is easier to resist if you don't know what you’re missing.

Everyday more here I find myself thinking more about death. Sick, I know. I wonder if it is a heaven and hell type of thing, reincarnation or becoming nothing; seeing nothing but black breathing and smelling not a thing and feeling nothing but everything. I always think is it because my time is coming?

I hate to explain these thoughts to you but I am all alone and talking to myself isn't enjoyable. It makes me feel as if I was a wacko from loony town. I'm already different now this? Brilliant!

I want to leave but it'd only create more danger, I'd dig my grave deeper. So now I'm forced to live in this dull world of gray with slumped shoulders and a head held low. I'm a mess, dynamite waiting to explode. When will I burst?

Still Standing,

L.M

*****

Like Gold

Chapter Four

She kicked a rock around with the tip of her of her boot. She was sat on a rusty swing at an abandoned park nobody went to. She went to it occasionally when she needed to think and the silence of her house screamed too loud.

This is why she wanted to move to the city with lights and constant noises, something completely different from her usual environment, a new start. She would live in a small apartment, go to college and work at somewhere that paid her enough to live off of her own money.

She didn't want to depend on her father's money. She didn't want her life to have anything to do with him so she wouldn't use his wealth to succeed. She had enough money from what her mother left her for college this was something her mother and father had covered since she was a small child. She actually had more than enough just enough for two.

Two, she thought bitterly. Could've been enough for two.

She felt drained today the weather seemed to also be. The clouds had gathered but sat still not a single droplet escaping them and this made her think about when she was a child. She would say clouds were emotional because they cried so often. Her mother would say that they were sad and she would ask her mother why? The woman would expect this from her daughter, she heard comments like this often and would reply "It's because they work so hard and aren't given enough credit. They help our world grow you both also, so anytime you see a cloud crying give it credit."