Burning Bridges

I wake up and I can tell something is off. My clothes fit differently than they did the night before. My hair has a mood of it's own and that mood is clearly a bad one. The sunlight strikes my eyes through the window and I catch the contagious mood of my hair. I stumble off of my bed. Barely manage not to hurt myself as my foot gets caught up in the sheets. It's as if my bed is begging for one last cuddle. I deny. I feel as if I'm the personification of the word groggy. I try to remember the dream I had as I brush my teeth. Left and right, up and down. At least I can tell which side is which. Haven't lost that talent yet. I get out and take out the milk from the fridge. I gather up the three most important ingredients for breakfast on the coffee table in front of the TV. Milk, the cereal box and my cell phone.

I turn on the idiot box. I switch through the channels to find nothing that catches my blood shot eyes. I've seen this show before and it's lost it's spark. I used to crush on that guy, I switch the channel, used to. The news is always the same, people are dying and the prices are rising. I switch and switch until my patience wears out and I force myself to just adjust to whatever's on. It's a guy trying his hardest to entertain us and most people would be entertained. But I'm not most people, I'm angrier. I pour cereal into the cold milk. It's a nice mix of yellow and white in my mostly dark hued life.

I zoned back out of my focus on the bowl in front of me. I'm more fascinated by a bowl of cereal than what's on television. You can't blame me. The media companies have it all wrong. It all has started to get really repetitive now. Reminds me of my repetitive schedule of doing nothing all day everyday. I switch on my cell phone to find two notifications.

A message from some sort of advertising campaign, telling me I can send unlimited messages all day if I dialed 2435 and sent it back to them. I ignore.

The second notification is on a free messaging app and it's from my dearest ex.

I say ex I mean someone I've been in an on and off relationship with since forever.

It's a serious case of ghosting and I'm not making it any better by trying to get some form of communication going on.

It's a "brb" as a form of reply to a message I sent a forever ago. I swipe away from their chat box. Simultaneously bringing spoon fulls of the cereal to my mouth. My jeans get to taste some due to my bad aim. My gaze is fixed on the screen. The TV providing background noise. I look at what some of my other "loved ones" have had to say to me after my clear cut "help me i'm feeling down" messages to them. They haven't had anything to say at all.

This is not the first time. And it's certainly not the last.

I put my phone down and try to finish breakfast.

After cereal, I crave caffeine. I make myself a cup of tea while constantly unlocking and locking my phone. Some body out there must care about my bad situation. I stagger out of the kitchen with a cup of hot liquid. I set it down on the coffee table and I wait for it to cool.

I scroll past the faces of everyone I know, looking for someone with potential to help me. But I can't find anyone like that. Half don't understand, half don't want to and half don't have the time.

I take another sip of my tea and it's bitter. I ask myself why I liked it in the first place but I can't manage to answer. I consider calling someone up, " Help me" almost escaping my mouth before I do. And I don't.

I guess I'm not angry, deep down. I'm just fed up. Fed up of the same old tea. Fed up of the same old TV shows. Fed up of the same old routine. Fed up of not talking to people- involuntarily. Fed up of not meeting anyone. Fed up of the same old food.

I finish up my drink, forcing myself to enjoy something that I no longer do. I go on to YouTube and look at all the faces I used to adore. I don't anymore. They all talk about the same things, do the same challenges. There's not much for me here anymore. I click a video. After it's done I click a few others. An hour goes by and I haven't laughed once.

I unlock my phone one last time, he's not back. So much for a "brb". I've had enough of this town. This dusty, dry air. I'm out. I'm leaving the people behind. The ones who can't send help when it's needed and yet stay awake to take selfies. I delete all the social networking apps off of my phone. I grab my keys and head over to my neighbor's.

Three knocks and she greets me with a smile.

"See ya," I hand her the keys to my house and walk towards my car.

I'm leaving this life.

I get in and insert my keys. My plan is to drive away to anywhere that isn't here.

Somewhere where the tea tastes better and a place where I feel good enough to not need help.