Obsessed With Time

Busy Nation

Why am I so obsessed with time? Because we don't seem to have it. I'm wasting my time writing this, you're wasting your time reading this and everyone else is wasting their time doing something else. We are not getting these passing minutes back.

No one seems to have time. We are a busy nation and that's... great. It's wonderful. People doing things.. a lot of things. I'm fine with that.

No I am not.

I feel the need to do something. I need to feel like I'm good at something, like I am busy, like I have a meaning. Instead of sitting on my lazy ass all day I would actually like to be a busy person. You know why? So I wouldn't be wasting my time on doing nothing practical or good. I'm not giving anything to this world not to you or to my family and friends, for my country or to myself. I want to help! I really do.

I don't know if you can sense the frustration in me while I'm writing this but I feel hopeless. I feel hopeless because I'm wasting my valuable minutes on earth being sad thinking about how I can't do anything. I could do so many things. So could you. Or maybe you do many things, I wouldn't know. Were you playing in that football game yesterday? Are you still playing piano? Oh you started a new hobby! How nice. Good for you, mate. I'm happy for you.

It's hard to belong to a group, it's hard to feel that you belong somewhere. I want to do so many things but I don't have the energy for it. Sounds stupid doesn't it? And then there are these idiotic things keeping you down and making you not wanting to do things. Here I am writing my thoughts on the internet using English language that I clearly don't write fluently. Why do i even bother?
Because if I didn't I would be lying on my bed, doing nothing and I would come crashing down. Now I have the excuse to rant here and get my thoughts out.

This is not a cry for help, not at all. I'm frustrated and angry because I can't get myself up from the bed. I don't want to look back and say that I should have done much more with my life. I'm wasting my minutes.