A/N: GREETINGS. So before you read this, make sure you've read 'The Youtube Crew' before or else you won't understand anything hah. And for those of you that have read 'The Youtube Crew' THANK YOU AND WELCOME BACK.
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Zoe's P.O.V
The bitter cold London air bites at my ears, me pulling my hat further down my head. I press my gloved hands to my cheeks, trying to warm them but it doesn't work at all. The one day I decide to head out to do some Christmas shopping it just happens to feel like the coldest day of the year. I shake off the thought. Christmas is two weeks away and I still have a few bits and pieces to buy.
I rush towards the entrance of the large shopping mall, craving the warmth that's waiting for me inside. I usually do this kind of thing with Louise but seeing is she's busy with Darcy and Matt today, that won't happen. Just as I expected, my face is hit by the warm air from inside the building just as I step in. Sighing, I pull off my gloves and shove them in my bag before walking on and eyeing the shops around me. Feeling like I need something to warm me up, I head to Starbucks and order myself a cinnamon latte. I take in the sensation of the warm liquid coursing through my system as I take my first gulp. I really needed that.
I love Christmas time. Everyone just seems happier and all the decorations just make me excited. I smile at a couple walking hand in hand, all wrapped up in scarves and hats. Another thing about Christmas, it's so much better when you spend it with your loved ones.
It's been three months since that whole thing with Jack. We still haven't spoken since then and I haven't heard from him either. The day after Jack dropped me off at my house, he brought my stuff but just left it on the front step, no note or anything. I really did love him and I wish he knew that, then maybe things could be different. Nobody really knows what happened between us, they just know that we broke up but nobody knows why and I want it to stay that way. I wish we could just put it behind us but that's such a selfish thing for me to say. I don't have the right to ask him for that or even to be thinking it. This was all my fault and I just need to let him be mad or let him feel whatever he's feeling. Who knows, maybe he's moved on or forgotten about me. I could never forget though with the constant reminder of the viewers. Every instagram post, every video, every tweet. The response is always the same. They ask me what happened and why we aren't together anymore and sometimes I get a 'Why doesn't The Youtube Crew hang out that much anymore?'. And all I can think is 'because of me'. I know not to reply to that stuff though, it would just make everything so much worse. Most of the time I just brush it off but it just keeps coming back and sometimes I'm afraid I'll break.
I feel my phone vibrate in my jacket pocket. Pulling it out, I smile a little as I see the name on the screen.
Don't freeze to death today please :) - C
Caspar and I have kind of... bonded? I don't like that this was the reason we bonded but I'm glad we've become really good friends. It's good to have someone that does know what happened and that I can talk to about it with once in a while. I know Caspar sometimes feels like this is all his fault aswell. Some days he doesn't act the same and just stays at home, refusing to talk to anyone. He lives with Alfie now, which is good. It's good that he has a friend like Alfie to comfort him. Alfie has always been good at that, even when you don't tell him what's bothering you, he's always there anyway.
I'll try!
I tap the message into my phone, sending it and sliding it back into my jacket.
Stepping into Urban Outfitters, I make my way over the jumpers at the back of the shop. They always have the best Christmas jumpers. My mind flashes back to last year when I was in here with Jack. It was the first time we'd actually met in person, bumping into them in the middle of all the people in the Shopping centre. I remember the day so clearly. I'm pretty sure I still have the picture on my instagram of me and Jack wearing these really cheesy Christmas jumpers. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I remember him. Clearing my mind, I run my hand along the soft but scratchy material of the clothes.
''Hey stranger'' I jump as someone places their hand on my shoulder. Whipping my head around I'm met with a laughing Alfie. ''You literally just whipped me in the face with all your hair'' He chuckles, tugging on my hair as I pull in behind me ears, smiling apologetically.
''Alfie!'' I finally speak, calming down a bit. ''How have you been?''
Alfie reaches up and pulls his hat down over his ears and nearly over his eyes. ''Cold!'' He yells, pulling it up a bit again. I giggle at his response, glancing left and right. The shop is pretty empty I don't know how I didn't spot him coming in. I suppose I was pretty deep in thought at the time.
''You here on your own?'' Alfie snaps me out of my thoughts for the second time. I nod, shrugging my shoulders. He nods, walking around and gesturing for me to follow. ''Yeah, I asked Caspar to come with me but that boy really does not like the cold'' Alfie jokes. Caspar really hates cold weather seeing as he's spent most of his life in a hot climate. I nod picking up a nice looking blouse and checking for my size. I know I'm supposed to be Christmas shopping but sometimes I just can't help myself. Ok, all the time.
''Good thing I ran into you actually I've been meaning to speak to you about something'' Alfie starts, pulling out his phone and checking it before putting it back into his jeans pocket. I raise an eyebrow, deciding against the blouse. ''Me and Caspar are having a little Christmas party next Friday and, of course, you're invited.'' I smile at his offer, thinking about it quickly. I don't know if it's a good idea for me to go. You never who might be there and I'd just make things uncomfortable for everyone. I scrunch my nose up at the thought, catching Alfie's attention. His face falls because he knows what I'm going to say. This is about the third time that I've been invited out with everyone and I've refused all the other times for the same reason. Everyone pretends they don't know why I don't show up but I'm pretty sure they have an idea of what it might be.
''C'mon Zo... we miss you'' Alfie speaks, his eyes are sad as his shoulders slump lower. I chew on my bottom lip, feeling bad. I just don't want to stop everyone from having a good time and I feel like that's exactly what I'll do. I sigh, hoisting my handbag up my arm a bit more. ''You hardly ever hang out with us anymore and it's Christmas so you have to come!'' Alfie smiles weakly at me, shaking my shoulders, gently. I glance around the shop a bit, not knowing what to say.
''I don't know, Alfie...'' I mutter, looking at the ground.
''I know how much you love Christmas, Zoe'' I can hear the grin on his face when he talks. I can't help but smile at his statement. I do love Christmas and I've always loved Christmas parties. I sigh again, my eyes meeting Alfie's again. I plant my hand on his shoulder.
''I'll tell you what...'' I say, Alfie's face lighting up at my words ''I'll think about it...and I'll let you know'' I find myself laughing as a huge smile is plastered on Alfie's face even though I didn't say I would go for sure.
''That's good enough for me!'' Alfie yells, raising his arms in success. The woman at the till smiles, shaking her head in our direction. I smile, apologetically at her. Alfie turns to look at her, sending her a little wave. I smack his hand down, both of us laughing. ''Well, I've got to head back home, Caspar's relying on me to bring back food'' Alfie says, checking his watch. We exchange hugs and I watch as he walks out of the shop quickly, waving once more at the door.
Maybe there's a chance that all the bad things from the past could be forgotten? Or at least forgiven. Maybe, just maybe, things could go back to normal.
