I Just Want You

1: Break Ups

"I'm not free until next week"
"UUGGHHHHHH" I yelled reading the screen
Now usually I'm not one to groan at someone's availability, but it's different when it's your boyfriend of a month and you are trying to break it off with him. You must be wondering "why the break up?" Well you see when someone tells you they love you in a span of a month but at the same time never sees you because of his needs for "me time" you get agitated and confused. Welp that's me. I tried to fix the relationship asking him to hangout more taking a break from it. But with thinking and time I came to realize he's just not the right one for me. It did not feel the same as it did from the start. Ben and I have always been in the same friend group. I never talked to him because he would always reply with one worded answers. But I was always intrigued he seemed to understand my culture since we were both Asian. As the Girls ask Guys dance came around, I decided to make the ballsy move and ask him. I thought what could go wrong. After the dance filled with slight grinding, awkward conversations, and lots of pictures. We started talking more after he added me on snapchat. That same week he ended up telling me he liked me through a damn snapchat video. What the heck really a video?! I didn't mind I felt the same way. As we kept talking for weeks I wanted to know what we were so naturally I asked him. His reply simply and utterly flabbergasted me.
"I thought we were already dating"
Holy cow
I decided to not make such a big deal out of it since it was the guys first relationship for Pete's sake the month went on with only holding hands no hugs no kisses no affection. I was pissed to say the least. Don't get me wrong I'm not telling everyone to go makeout in the school hallway but a little kiss here and there never hurt anybody. Fast forward to now angry with him moving the dates when I could see him for 3 weeks now I texted
"Can I call you now"
He replied with "uh why"
It was like he knew I was going to end it. I know breaking up on the phone was petty but I had no choice there is no way I'm dragging it on. It was unfair for him and me. I decided. I picked up the phone and pressed his name.
"Hello Ry what did you want to talk about"

"How do you think our relationship is going Ben"

"Well we haven't hung out for 3 weeks now and I'm always busy with swim but in the summer I can make it work"

Swim. I had a love hate relationship with swimmers. I myself am not a swimmer unlike the majority of my friends.

"Look Ben I really can't do this anymore I get that you're busy, I am too but I make it work I make time for you I make is work. It did but not anymore. I don't feel the way I used to in this relationship. I know it's petty to call you over the phone to do it but you left me no choice. I'm sorry Ben."

"It's ok I get it"

That left me speechless. No fight, no argument.

"We can still be friends..." I offered

"Sure...hey I have to go I have swim in 30"

"Ok bye Ben"

I hung up and fell on the bed with relief I then called my non swimmer best friend.

Matilda. She was taller than me by a few interest with auburn gingery medium length hair milky chocolate eyes and a nose piercing needless to say she was gorgeous she always said she needed to lose weight I didn't think that was true she was perfect the way she is.

"I broke up with Ben"

"You finally did it ugh I'm so proud"

Matilda and I think quite alike we get way too attached yet we have the ability to wrong wild and have fun.

"I don't feel heartbroken like I thought I would"

"Then he really wasn't the one Ry"

We carried on our conversation until she had to go.

I waited until my parents came home for dinner. We exchanged words in Vietnamese to each other until I decided to go upstairs to take a shower before bed.

I didn't have the greatest relationship with my parents. They are never home never at a lacrosse game or parent teacher conference it was safe to say they were never there but when they were it was endless amount of arguing between us. It always ended up with my mother taking it too far say she knew she would have aborted me and me trapping myself in my room.

It was hard to put my trust in people I mean look where I'm at the closest people to me disappoint me everyday. Maybe that's what led me to my empty sadness of doom. Depression it's not what everybody makes it out to be. It's not constantly wanting to end your life every moment of the day. It's this empty whole in you that consumes you. It's waking up in the morning and never wanting to get out because today you have no effort to fake happy. It's wanting to never wake up from sleep because you are tired of feeling so unhappy with everything. Welp atleast for me. As I continued to wonder about my life I drifted to a deep slumber.

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So first chapters are always slow but I'm hoping you stay until you see Rylan's love until next time stay safe and keep roughing that shit up