What about the bad guy goes good

4.

I quickly begin to shed tears i didn't want anyone to know how i was feeling. Though none of those feelings were bad they were just really personal feelings ones that could have waited until i knew whether this "thing" was going to work out or not. I was lonely i was grieving the comfort of my family and my husband and the thing i usually turn to i was learning how to fight that so everything unfiltered came out in that book.

"Beyoncé baby the foods ready!"

I heard my mother scream. I quickly gathered myself together and put my notebook underneath my bed that way i knew no one could find it unless they were looking for it.

"I'm coming just gonna wash my hands."

I went to wash my hands and then proceeded back downstairs to the kitchen. The food smelt soooo good i haven't had a home cooked meal like this is years.

"Beyoncé would you like to say grace."

I kinda just looked at the food and starred off because i didn't want to say grace i was just rebuilding my relationship with the lord i don't think it would be right for me to say grace. Then jay spoke up.

"Come on blue show grandma what daddy taught you."

"Ok everybody bow your head and close your eyes.

Everyone's head and eyes bowed as we all reached for each other's hands.

"God is great god is good let us think him for our food bow our heads we all are fed give us lord our daily bread amen."

We all said amen and the food began moving in rotation. I was trying to control myself i didn't want to eat like a savage or an animal in front of my family.

"So Beyoncé how was work?"

My mom said trying to start conversation.

"O you know it was work cleaned some tables took some orders same ole same ole."

She looked at me like she knew something i didn't know and i was honestly confused nothing happened today that doesn't usually happen.

"So nothing happened that you want to tell me about."

Then that's when it hit me Jay came up to my job early that morning but how did she know that unless Shawn told her. Ughhhh can't they see I'm trying to get my life together i don't need drama and everyone in my business it's gonna send me over the edge.

"O yea and jay came up to my job early that morning but that's about it."

She said hmmph like she already knew what that meant i just let it go and continued to eat my food.

"Hey mommy?"

"Yes blue blue."

"Are you gonna come live with us?"

I watched as jay looked up at me and i just kinda played with my pasta noodles.

"Umm you know i don't think that would be a good idea at least not right now."

"But why i love you!"

"And you know i love you baby you can always come see me at grandmas house I'm gonna be here for a while. I think your dad enjoys his space with your other mom."