Dominating Love ✓

[Chapter Forty-Nine]

For those of you who think this is just boring and that they're not fun anymore; may want to just skip this one too. I'm not going to stop writing about her pregnancy and tone it down to please anyone.

They have gone through so much for the first book and a half and THEY DESERVE THIS. They deserve to be happy. Don't be trying to kill the joy i've waited a book and a half to write about.

Chapter Forty-Nine

That barbeque made Chase and I realize just how little we talked to people. Since my parents died Riley and I had pushed people away and became introverted, which in turn made Monica and Chase suffer.

Monica always pulled herself back to be there for Riley and now that I know how Chase has felt about me since we were kids, I know he did the same for me. That was far from fair to them and now Riley and I owned it to the ones we loved to stop that for them.

After seeing how many people came for our wedding and then again to share in Chase and my great news, it was a big eye opener. We had amazing friends and family who loved us and cared. Being pregnant changed my entire perspective on life. The lifestyle I was living now wouldn't be healthy for our kids. They needed other kids, playdates and to be exposed to all kinds of people.

Riley was lucky Monica made sure the girls were always playing with their cousins on her side.

I kept saying and thinking that I wanted to be at least half the mother mine was, but in order to do that I needed to stop being this scared girl and be the woman she raised me to be. We were never short or lacking on life experiences. Living in multiple countries, the things we saw and learned, the people we met; the four of us were truly blessed.

To add to that, Chase and I kept things a secret for months and spent a lot of time indoors, more specifically the bedroom. While it was highly satisfying and I don't regret it, it wasn't idea for kids.

My children deserved the world in my eyes and for that to happen, we needed to change. Work was a priority, but I also took the opportunities to meet friends for lunch when our schedules matched. Rochelle and I went to classes together to try to get some exercise in and birthing classes.

Monica and Rochelle have been through this before, every day I grew more terrified of childbirth. Monica was great on trying to help, everytime we talked about it I felt more like a wimp. She did this at sixteen years old, I can do it at nearly twenty-six; I think.

At now twenty-eight weeks; I was ready for this to be over. The joy and cuteness of the kicking and knowing there's a baby growing in me was dim. I had two near full grown children in my stomach, I couldn't tie my shoes and I had to go to a salon to have myself groomed because I can't do that myself either.

Everyone talks about the joys of pregnancy, but no one ever tells you the gross and awful parts. They talk about having to pee every five seconds, not when you have minor accidents and feel like a child again. The heartburn is murder and there are some days I want to sit and cry because my legs are cramping so badly. There are times where I feel like I'm just always sweating and my poor feet look as terrible as they feel.

Not to mention I am now the size equivalent of a whale and Chase breathing seems to piss me off. He hasn't gotten laid in a couple months now and I feel as guilty as I do annoyed. I am pretty much a raging bitch, yet Chase hasn't stopped trying to make me happy; I was awful.

The painter came to finally get the nursery done, he painted different shades of blue and pink on the walls and I stared at them, broke down in tears and finally got out the words to tell the two men staring at me like I was a nuclear bomb how much I hated it.