BULLET → R.R & B.B

BULLET; grief

song; Paralyzed by NF
lol hint! lots of drama.

/ BRIE /

    Everyone knows the Five stages of Grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I have hit all of those but acceptance which brings me back to square one Denial. I refuse to believe he wasn't here anymore and every time I think am getting better, or moving on I'm pulled right back by an invisible rope to square one. So that leaves me where I am at now sitting in the attic hugging his shirt tightly to my chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve this, I should've done something. This is all my fault" I sob out into his shirt "look what you've done!" My thoughts scream at me more sobs leaving my lips "I'm not fine, I'm far from it and I miss you so much" Crying into his shirt the words pour out of my body. Hearing footsteps come up the ladder I knew it was Nikki and it sent me over the edge when I saw my twins face.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU BARGING IN MY HOME. GO HOME LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream my fist balls pushing the box away from me to get up but instead all his things fell over "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" I scream at her tears streaming down my face I can barely see the shock on her face from my tears.

My shaky hands quickly pick up his belongings trying to neatly put them back. I heard Nikki's foot steps come closer to me "GET AWAY FROM ME. LEAVE!" I scream standing up pushing my hair back trying to keep sane. "Brie let me help you" Her words send me into a state of anger and shock.

"Help me?! HELP ME?! HOW ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME NIKKI?" I scream at her pushing her back. A gasp left my lips as I came to realization of what I had just done putting a hand over my mouth I looked at my sister wide eyed. Tears filled her eyes when she came to realization of what I just did, "Did you just?" she ask letting her tears fall down.

I tried so hard to talk "I- Nikki I d-didn't mean too, It's just I-I-I wanted to be alone and you just, I don't know Nikki, I don't know anymore" I cry out falling to my knee short gasp leaving my lips I was trying to comprehend what was happening to me. I felt Nikki hug me and I didn't push her away I just cried into her like baby.

"Nikki he's gone, I feel like I can't breath and everytime I think about him being dead I-I just feel like I'm dying the pain is deathly." I cry on her waves of pain washing over my body each and every second. "how do I live? how do I breath?" I ask sitting up against the wall. It's been four months and for the past two months I've been doing good or so I thought. Until today when I broke down to the core.

"Tell me it's a nightmare, Tell me I'm gonna wake up in his arms again." I wail to my sister banging my head against the wall of the attic. This attic has became my new home I never acknowledged the attic until it held all of his belongings and memories up here. Now if this attic was to burn and crumble I would cry deathly tears.