Nostalgic

i

I fumble with the description of my family below. It wasn't much, just a crummy photo taken at a worthless time, their names and characteristics plus a small condom wrapper.

World star parents mine were. But it was okay, they put me up for adoption when I was seven and left me with an extra small condom wrapper. Most kids look forward for their first condom a tad bigger and a tad more closed oh and not used with possible STD's on it. I roll my eyes at the familiar thought and shake my head slightly.

I was standing in the middle of a train station bucking my head back and forth in search for my nonexistent family. Mind you I was not so proudly holding a condom wrapper as instructed. After twenty minutes of standing I found a guy selling cigarettes and walk to the wall by him with my bags being dragged by my limp hand. I casually hand him a nine and he returns it with a pack and lighter.

"I'm Yusif, what's your name bud." He asked watching me closely, it didn't bother me since people had been always too curious over my features. Short, skinny, black hair, blue eyes and more unreal features. Thankfully he glanced away trying not to light my hand on fire. "I don't know yet." He grunted stuffing the lighter back in his pocket when he met his achievement.

"Ah, let me ask then, who ya' waiting for?" Yusif's questions didn't bother me but they didn't necessarily make me comfortable even with the toxins.

"My family."

"Aren't we all?"

"What kind of question is that."

"A relatively disappointing one, just because you wish you could stay mysterious we all see you." I drag in the smoke taking in what he was saying, would I pretend I knew.

"Mmh, I've never met this family, they were supposed to pick me up an hour ago." He kisses his teeth frowning. He was pitying me, damn right I deserve it.

Yusif nods staying silent. I take a moment to study him, he wasn't very tall but his classy hair made up for it. He looked like someone to just sit down with and talk. He was clearly dressed in basic clothing but he presented himself well with black jeans, shirt and thick jacket. It was refreshing, his voice soothing and his pity overall acceptable.

"They'll come, they don't know you. They'll at least be curious." I nod leaning my head back feeling the wait fall and slither. Smoking was bad for you, I learned that in chemistry but eating pound cake twice a week was just as bad. Just one wasn't as hated and the other a sweet addictive.

I slid to the floor ignoring that no one swept against the very corner, not well anyways.

With this swarm of people I could freely smoke and cry. Yusif saw my tears, I could tell but again he knew when someone just needed to be swallowed by pain and their own shit.

Which was what I did as I sat blowing the thickened air out and tears fell down my now salty cheeks. I let that part of myself escape while checking the picture out again not wanting to miss them even if they never came.

The vintage like photo held five teens and a man and woman grinning and holding each other's limbs in a boyish embrace. The obvious parent's faces were blurred since it was out of perfect frame. I paid no attention to them, just the boys. One held another and another like a rope tethered. Each one with a toothy grin that was so 80's like.

The only thing missing was me.

It was twenty minutes later and my pack was gone, Yusif had given me his number and address but had left for the three a.m. train.

By then the station was clearer and I still had that pinge of hope guiding my eyes.

And then I saw the blond headed boy rushing towards me at full speed, four other boys behind him all tall and just happy.

I was overwhelmed, my heart began to beat excessively, my lungs dove up rapidly and my breath came out in shreds like paper. He was- they were in front of me sliding onto the concrete floor the same childish grins on their faces. Their arms wound around me with warmth.

My small heart couldn't handle it.

"Oh God Noah!" I was Noah, my name was Noah. I never knew that, I'd always been called Kit at the foster homes.

"Noah" I tasted it on my lips licking them one last time.

My heart was pounding faster then quickly slower, I felt it become draggy and hard. Wheezes began to come from my mouth, the boys backed up and I quickly looked over them as fast as I could before reaching for my bag.

"Oh, he's having an asthma attack!" They gave me space as I rapidly dug for my inhaler.

My bag wasn't there.

My meds gone.

I'd left it on the train.

My mind began to panic and my heart began to stop. I blankly looked up at the five boys, they had panicked expressions.

"Family." I muttered feeling my toes curle and mind blank. It was surreal.