Blending.

If there is one thing I’ve learnt in my 17 years in this world, it is that everyone hides behind a smile. No-one’s life is perfect. They can pretend but behind that smile forced onto their faces are someone breaking and someone just trying to fit in and survive this hell hole, also known as high school.

It’s just like all the books, there are the jocks, the cheerleaders, the ‘norms’ and of course the nerds. Where do I fit in? Well that’s the thing, I don’t. I prefer to blend into the hallways, make myself invisible. No one can bother and I can’t get in the way of anyone. I’ve been this way before since I can remember. You’re probably thinking ‘oh, well she’s a nerd then right?’ but I’m not. I’m not smart, I’m not sporty, I’m not talented at all so I don’t fit in to any cliques. Which is just the way I like it.

My life consists of going to school, listening to music through all my classes, not talking, listening to more music and hiding from my uncle. My uncle is the reason I am the way I am.  Fortunately he only visits every few months so it doesn’t happen too often.

When the shouting starts from down stairs, I plug my headphones in and listen to more music. You could say music was my life saver, my room is full of band posters, mainly the Beatles and the wall behind my bed is full of old records. I love my room, it’s the only place I have peace and quiet.

The day was just as normal as any, I got up late, got dressed in my usual jeans and one of my many band tank tops. As I went down stairs I saw that my parent’s door was open. I looked in and saw that Dad was snoring and mums side of the bed was empty. Mum always got up early and went to work early so that she could be home when I got home. Dad usually worked in the afternoon at a construction site on the new council building.

I got to school just as the tardy bell went, I ran to my locker, not that I really cared about class anyway. I walked into the class just before Mr. Thomas got there and sat in my usual seat up the back. While Mr. Thomas was setting up for class I heard everyone gossiping about the new couples, scandals, betrayals and so much other useless crap. All the girls gawked when Sean Kinglsey walked in. Let me introduce Sean to you, Nortland High’s bad boy and the boy everyone else wanted to be. He walked in with his  best friends Tim and Evan behind him, they all play football and have the body’s to prove it. They sit in the back row also but we never talk not even eye contact is established. Of course, as cliché as it is, Sean is the quarterback and all the girls wanted to get with him. I’ll put this into context for you, if you were having a party and Sean was coming, immediately all 2000 students at Nortland High would be at that party. Sean was the god of this high school.  I heard the preppy cheerleaders in front of me talk about how Sean lost his virginity when he was 11 and that he has two dicks. I put my ear phones in and rolled my eyes, this is why I hate high school, who even comes up with that crap?

The rest of the day goes slowly. Sometimes I don’t know what’s worse, school or home? I guess they’re both equal.

The air was cold as I walked home, I pulled my leather jacket closer around me and walked in time to my music. On this particular day when I came home I noticed both of my parent’s cars in the driveway and I already heard the loud voices of them yelling at each other, even over my music. Today I think the fight was about mum not having dinner ready or something stupid like that. I took a deep breath before I walked inside, I walked towards the yelling which was coming from the lounge room as I took out my earphones.

“Jesus Meryl! All I ask of you is to make sure I’m looked after! I provide for this family, the least you could do is have dinner on the fucking table when I get home!” My dad was towering over my mum who was sitting on the couch looking up at him.

“I work too you kno-“ My mum was cut off by my father slapping her hard across the face, leaving a red mark. Neither one of them had noticed I was home yet so I stood quietly in the corner, my hand over my mouth to stop from making a sound. This was the first time Dad had actually ever physically hurt mum and I was in shock to say the least.  

“That’s it Meryl! You’re my wife now do as I say! Make me some fucking food!” Dad yelled in mum’s face.

“You…you hit me!?” Mum looked like she was struggling to get the words out. Suddenly her face went cold, with new confidence she stood up, “Screw you Stewart.” And with that, she left the room. Dad followed her yelling at her and she yelled back. I had heard enough, I grabbed my bag that I dropped on the floor earlier and headed back out the front door.

As I walked out the door I processed what just happened. Dad hit mum, He actually hit her. The fights had been getting worse lately, they became more frequent and over little things, but i never saw this coming. I put my earphones and Here comes the sun by the Beatles played in my ears. When was the sun coming for me? When was my life going to become normal.