Rock Bottom

1 - Before we met

Break-ups are a hard thing to deal with. Especially when you're just as emotional as me. It's been almost 14 months since my ex left me with no explanation. Well, he didn't completely leave cause about every 3 months he texts me that he misses me. That is probably the main reason why I can't get over him. Every time he does that, my heart lights up a little and he gives me a hope but then he reminds me of his new girlfriend. Yes, he has a new girlfriend. Not that it's a big deal, he has a new girlfriend almost every time I talk to him. There is a bright side to that though, when we just broke up I always had the feeling that it was my fault. But after his third girlfriend I realized it's his. He is the one that can't keep a girl or always feels the need to cheat on them. He cheated on me too, but I didn't know that while we were in a relationship. He cheated three times on me to be exactly. Someone felt the need to tell me, but only after we broke up, I don't know why.

So while he has been dating a few times since we broke up, I'm still alone. I don't mind though, I am doing fine on my own. Ok, not entirely true, I cry myself to sleep almost every night. But that's not all because of him. Before I met him I was depressed. Really depressed. He helped me out and now that he's not here with me anymore it's a hard thing to deal with. Psychologists don't work, believe me, I tried. I wanted to clear my head but since I don't trust anyone I decided to do it on my computer. Just to write a letter to my ex, where I told him how I felt. Well, he didn't found it, my mother did. She wanted to talk to me and cried the whole time, it was really awkward and to make her stop I promised her to go to a psychologist. I have to admin, I am an awkward person myself, but my psychologist made the whole situation even more awkward. It wasn't that bad though. My letter told my ex that I was cutting myself and that I wanted to kill myself but I convinced my mother that that part was a lie. I don't know if she fully believed it, but it was the last time she talked about it.

When every day is the same, you don't expect to meet someone who will change your whole life. But I did.