It's funny, really. How you see a person everyday that used to be so happy and smiling, full of life, to go to not having a smile anymore but red puffy eyes and a stuffy nose from crying so much, to this lifeless person, like a zombie. To act as if she isn't there. She barely leaves her room anymore, even to eat or get a drink of water and the worst part is that her family doesn't notice they just let her starve and stay in her room. They are so unconcerned that they even stopped calling her for dinner. They understood that she will eat when she wants to and they didn't care. Sometimes they even forget about her, forget they even had a daughter. And if you couldn't tell, this daughter is me.
It all started the last days of school. I had a best friend. I told her everything. She knew me better than my family. We would always laugh and mess around, we even had a few classes together. I was even close with her family. All of sudden we kind of just drifted apart, I drifted away from her for some stupid reason. I started hanging out with these other girls but it didn't feel right, it still doesn't feel right. I feel judged with them, I can't laugh around them, I don't know, maybe I am to childish? My mom even noticed how I wasn't asking to hang out with her and I told her we weren't speaking and she said we would be best friends again next week. I was hoping she was right, but she was not. A whole war happened between her friends and mine and me and her argued a little bit but not to much. Which didn't really make sense since it was about us, really. Even this boy I liked would tell me how I don't act myself around my new "group". I didn't really argue, he was right. It really sucks too because this summer was going to be really fun and we planned to spend every minute of it together. But we didn't.
After that all happened it was finally summer and it started out good for maybe a week or so. I sent a picture to this boy I liked. It wasn't of me but he left his messages open and his mom went through them and thought it was me. So she told me that I am not aloud to speak with him or anything and she tried to get a hold of my parents but nobody she called would give out there numbers. And if you read the first chapter, that is the boy that I am talking about. I was sad. Very, very, sad. But then I found out he didn't really cared and he was already out her making out with every girl he could find, so I gave up.
Now stuff has been happening with my family but I will not go to deep into it. I talked about some of it in the beginning. My parents have just been constantly yelling at me for no reason. The only person I could have talked to about that other than my old best friend was my cousins. Now I am not aloud to hang out with any of them because my mom is being a psycho. So now all I can do is sit in my room and just think about everything with nobody to talk to. I tried talking to my mom but she doesn't care and barely ever talks to me at all and my dad gets mad at everything I say or do so why would I even try? I have tried to go to friends houses instead just to get away of the constant screaming and yelling but my parents won't let me. I am not in trouble, but I am pretty much treated as if I was. So I have been trapped in the house till school began again.
I have really had anxiety during school. I am already having anxiety thinking about going back to school. School starts in less than a week and I just don't want to go. Opening day is in a few days and I'm scared if the boy will be there with his mom and she will say me and my family and the secret will be out. I am scared that my old best friend will also go and I will have to see her family that used to be like my very own. I'm scared that the boys mom will go up to the school about the issue. I am scared that the school year will be as awkward as it was the last few days without my best friend. I am scared to see him, how will he react? Will he even talk to me? And if he does will it be to hurt me? What if he doesn't and it still hurts to see he doesn't care?
Recently my old best friend texted me, I haven't heard from her all summer, nobody has. She asked me how I was and I asked her and we just started talking about everything that has happened and everything and we have a class together and she said it will fun and nothing will be awkward. But my new friends hate her and are already starting shit saying that she is going to be starting shit when she hasn't even said anything. What if my friends find out that I am talking to her again and get mad? I can't be her best friend again or hang out with her because her family hates me, which I don't blame them. None of this isn't even a big deal and I'm probably just being really dramatic but it still sucks and I'm really afraid to be alone. I feel alone so how will I feel when I am actually alone?
