ｐｌａｓｔｉｃ ｔａｓｔｅ || ｊｏｊｉａｎ

ｉｍ ａｆｒａｉｄ

It was dark in his apartment, all lights either turned off or the bulbs had been shattered after Joji's outburst. A day away from everything that plagued him, a day away from people questioning and judging his every move- is that so much to ask?  He pulled at his chestnut colored hair, kicked and punched the walls, and broke everything from plates to lamps to framed photos of him hanging out with his friends. 

For the longest time, Joji managed to stay strong. He hadn't broken down in months since he found people he knew cared about him. Yeah, the guy seemed tough when he read out stupid comments made by 12 year olds marinating in Cheetos dust, but he had always had his own issues. No, it wasn't the insulting comments on his videos that got him where he was now, it was the people who constantly prodded with questions and gave him disgusted looks in public when he went out with a good friend. 

A light in the darkness of his room shone through his scratched glasses, the phones text tone ringing through his ears. Slowly, he stood up and walked through his messy room, picking up his (now) cracked phone and checking what all he had missed. After being offline all day with no pre warning, he must have worried his friends as he had 4 missed calls, 6 texts from Max, 9 missed calls, and 2 missed texts from Ian. Joji looked at the newest text and wiped at his irritated eyes.

Ian iCunt: Come on, George, you better be okay. Why haven't you been talking to anyone today?

Joji Boi: im sorry if i worried anyone. just needed to disconnect for a little while.

Ian iCunt: If you're okay than skype me. I just want to check on you.

Joji Boi: what are you, fucking gay?

Ian iCunt: I'm being serious, George.

Joji Boi: fine.

He grabbed his laptop and opened the Skype application, accepting an video call from Ian, turning his own camera off and clearing his throat, hoping that there wouldn't be any indication he'd been screaming and crying for hours until he was hoarse. He could play it off as being sick, right?

"Why didn't you accept the video?" He questioned, exhaustion and sympathy lacing his usually stoic attitude.

"My- My webcam broke again." His voice came through quiet, almost as a whisper, breaking when he tried to speak too loud. Clearly, his friend didn't believe him and he heard a heavy sigh of annoyance come from his speakers.

"That's bullshit, George. We skyped last week when you finally fixed your cam." Joji couldn't help but notice how Ian's face dropped when he said that. When the words came out of his mouth, the color in his eyes had been drained, his eyebrows returned to their "100% done with your shit" position, and his sympathetic grin had been replaced with a near-scowl. The stern tone in his voice was intimidating enough for someone as vulnerable as Joji at the time to give in. 

Joji turned on his camera and he revealed himself to Ian. Lit up only by the light of his computer, it was clear to see his hair was going in every direction, his eyes were swollen and red, and he had bruises on his hand that became visible when he attempted to readjust his hair.

"What the hell happened? You look like a wreck!" Ians voice came through quickly, concern evident.

"Thanks, I know. I had another fit. Couldn't stop it. Broke a lot of things." He tried to explain with short, shitty sentences that were barely coherent as he started to tear up again. 

Ian tried his best to comfort his friend with kind, soothing words. The way he pronounced things and how the words effortlessly fell from his lips and through the shitty computer speakers almost always seemed to make Joji feel better. He rambled on for another hour speaking words of reassurance to the other. As he was speaking about going to Japan to see Joji again, he couldn't help but notice his friends change in demeanor.

"Hey, Joj, what's up?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I really need you right now. I don't know if I can wait another month," Joji ran his hands through his messy hair and hit his fist on the table, then motioning behind him, "I could do twice this much damage and fuck everything up. I don't even know why I did all this bull shit in the first place I just fucked everything up."

"You didn't fuck everything up. I will pack and buy the quickest plane ticket over there, I promise, just please be safe" Ian gave a soft smile and looked over the others features in sorrow and awe.

 "Ian, I'm fucking terrified." Joji's hands held up his head, brain fogged with thought as he spoke with his best friend on skype. The pixellated images of one another brought a strange comfort as he let few free tears fall down his cheeks, eyes red from hours of crying and trying to convince himself he was okay. 

 "It's okay to be scared. I'll be there soon, Jo'."