ｐｌａｓｔｉｃ ｔａｓｔｅ || ｊｏｊｉａｎ

ｅｘｃｕｓｅ ｍｅ

"I'm sorry."

The first thing that came from Joji's mouth in the morning was I'm sorry and it broke Ian's heart. He looked so beaten down with his eyes puffy and red. When Ian looked down and saw Joji's knuckles were bloody and bruised he immediately sat up. He pulled the smaller into his lap and held him close to his chest, rubbing his back and letting him cry the last little bit of tears still trapped in his eyes.

"Bear, what happened?" Concern laced Ian's voice as Joji buried his head in the former's shoulder.

"I just- I feel fake. I haven't been honest with you or Max or Chad or anybody. All I-I've been doing is acting like everything is okay when I k-know it isn't," His voice cracked and faltered towards the end of his sentence, "I hate that I've been lying t-to you guys because it isn't fair. I know you care about me but it's so hard for me to acknowledge it when I-I need to most."

Ian pressed a short kiss to Joji's temple and lightly scratched his back to calm him down as the smaller gripped onto his old tshirt. 

"And it's j-just hard to pretend to be okay all the time. Recently I've been feeling so heavy and weighed down and when you c-came here I felt better. But last night I just broke down again and I couldn't comprehend what was happening I just knew I couldn't be too loud so I went to the living room an-and I just started kicking and punching the walls and now there's a hole in the wall I'm sorry."

"God, Joji-Bear, you're a mess. You don't have to worry about the wall because we can always fix that. But first, we need to make sure you are comfortable being you. I want to make you happy to be yourself, Joji," Ian gently cupped the others face and looked at him, "You need to be honest with yourself and others. It will hurt more if you keep lying."

Joji shook his head and sniffled, Ian wiping away a stray tear with his thumb, "I don't want to have to lie anymore, Ian."

"And you don't have to, Bear," He whispered, looking Joji straight in the eyes, "We only want you to be happy."

"You make me happy."

"That's good because, dammit Joji Miller, you make me happier than anyone on this goddamn Earth could ever make me. I love you."

"I love you, too"

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fin lmao