Problematic Mindsets

5. Clouds Get Selfish Too

My phone buzzes and blurts out an annoying ringtone that I absolutely despise. But I'm stuck with it because my phone is a piece of old trash and won't let me change it. The person who is calling is none other than Ashlyn. Why wouldn't it be?
Ashlyn and Andrew go on walks  to the park whenever they have time off together from work. Ashlyn works by taking care of lawns for important buildings and elderly homes around the city, and Andrew works part time at three different bakeries. Their walks aren't the exercise type walks. It's more like the "get to know you a little more" and the "let's spend this time together" sort of walks. In the summertime, she usually calls me after they get back. Just before the the god awful ringtone shuts up and switches to voicemail, I pick the phone up.

"Hello Ashlyn."

"Hey Parker. How are you this morning? It took you a while to pick up the phone. Is everything okay with you and Dad?" Her voice is clearer than the last time I talked on the phone with her. She must have gotten that new phone she wanted and was always talking about.

"Yeah Ash. Everything's fine. He's still sleeping. I'm doing alright, you just snapped me out of one of my thinking episodes," I said smiling. She chuckled and apologized for the inconvenience of her calling. I, of course, deny it.

"Well I called to see if Andrew and I could come out in a couple days." Those  words came out so warm and gentle, it's like you were having a cup of coffee and sitting down in a house on a rainy day, just watching the droplets beat the hell out it the Earth. It was nice to hear.
"Of course you can come. Do you want me to tell Dad?" I ask.

"I don't care if Dad knows. But I'm going there to meet up with a friend; she's having a pretty rough time at the moment and I just want to make sure she's okay," she says.

"Well that's nice of you to help. I'm glad you have friends." I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

"Well maybe you can come with me on one of my visits and meet her. She's beautiful, smart, quiet, well mannered, and she has quite a mind. She's about your age. She's sixteen. She does very well in school-"

"And she has friends, yeah I know," I say as my eyes switch to gaze out the window.

"No Parker, she doesn't have friends. The only friends she has are Andrew and I. And since we're long distance, I can't talk to her that much. I can talk to her over the phone, but it's just pointless conversation, do you get what I mean Park? She has a communication problem. That's why I'm visiting, it's gotten too bad." Her voice starts to crack a bit a the end of her little speech. And when Ashlyn's voice cracks, something's hit her hard in the chest.

I stare at the floor. I don't want to talk anymore. Just put some duck tape on my mouth and I'll be good to go. Nope my stupid brain has a stupid thought. I need to ask.

"What's her name?" It's quiet in my room now.

"Her name is Marylynn."

Marylynn. If you asked me what I saw when I heard the name, it wouldn't be a girl. Marylynn would be a name for, say, a waterfall or a gorgeous bird with pale colored wings. The name  rolls off your tongue like a bowling ball that runs smoothly down a slope.

After my daily talk with Ashlyn and getting ready for the day, I decided to take my musty old car into town and buy myself a coffee. I need one and the old woman who makes them is probably the closest thing I'll ever get to a friend in this city. And right now, I feel lost and in need of a friend.

I walk out the front door and in order to get to the garage, you'd need to pass the beaten down swing set. I have an uncommon flashback.

It was in the fall and the wind was bitter but the woolen coats we were wearing protected us from the biting gusts. Ashlyn and I were the only ones outside. Dad was in, drinking. This was maybe ten years ago. The swing set was just bought, brand new, at the time. With it's shiny bronze bars and burgundy wooden seats, it looked nice with the yard that Ashlyn took care of.
I was on the swing closest to the garage, and I was smiling and laughing. My little hands clenched the chains of the swings as Ashlyn pushed me.
And I loved it when I went to the top because I could see the the clouds. I felt like I was a cloud. I could see them take a look at me, and smile. Then when I got to the top again, they said to me; You're a cloud Parker. Clouds keep flying, surfing, and make the world interesting. They make the people with minds like yours wonder, ordinary people ignore us. But clouds also get sad, and rain, or they cover up the sun; selfish. Those days, we have the most attention from the most ordinary people.

My clown feet beg for me to walk. I look down. Clouds. My feet start to  walk a slow and steady pace because I'm in no rush.
I get to the garage and take a look around, one object catches my eyes immediately.

Dad has this old, stuffed, toy duck sitting on the top self of his work shop, which is the garage. So whenever I go in the garage, for some reason, I always end up staring at his little Ducky frown and his stupid cartoony tear running down his face. His eyes are shut and his head is facing the ground. He's little and fat and yellow with dark yellow fuzz under the wings. But you'd think he's green because of all the dust and cobwebs on him from being here so long.

I peal my gaze from him, get in my dirty and dusty car, then take off to go have a coffee with Margie.