they said to not go looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. and that's exactly what she did. over and over again, she fell for the same apology, the same "I'm sorry. I need you." every time, she hoped he would change, that it would be something different. but nothing changed, nothing was ever different.
numb. that's all she felt. sitting in the basement that blanketed her in a dull coldness and blackness, the dim light of her phone lit up the features on her face. the words reflected in her eyes, the same words tore her already tattered heart to pieces. "I did it because I could" and "I never ended things with her." and that's the thing: she fell too hard. he didn't.
the basement grew colder and her eyes grew tireder: tired of lies, tired of sadness and tired of caring. she knew this was it. there were no more empty "I'm sorry's" coming her way. this was more than her heart breaking. her mind was breaking too. she could only so take the constant disappointment and lies.
this wasn't love. it was torture. it was her watching him knowing he'd never look back her. it was her loving the memories, because she knew they'd never make more like them. she didn't cry. oh no, she didn't dare give herself away to the world. instead, the aching feeling in her heart grew stronger, more demanding. she couldn't move. her eyesight went blind. her ears rang. for a second, it was like her heart died.
she looked back down the light, the cursor blinking, tempting her to answer. she could send snarky response, beg, play it off. she could do anything she wanted. but all she did was stare at the screen. all she could do was ache. she'd rather die than wake tomorrow feeling the way she did now.
no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate him. but words are meaningless, yet so unforgettable. but that's how she knew she loved him: she forgave him without an apology. she knew she could move on and this time for good. but could she fill the empty void in her heart? sure. but for now, she's numb.
